Are You Willing To Let Go Of Pain And Sorrow?

Are you willing to let go? A lot of people these days are saying “let it go” or similar pieces of advice. It’s brilliant! And while I’m happy that more people are getting hip to this fundamental skill, there are still many places and ways that we get stuck.

Many people wonder “ok, but HOW do I let go of (that hurtful and disappointing or even traumatic event)?

I can’t promise you it’s easy — because our minds want to maintain the illusion of being separate from the All — but I can promise you that it is entirely possible and requires no special abilities.

Ok, sounds good. I’m willing to let go, but…

 

How Do You Let Go?

While a cursory look may reveal that “you” are a separate being (“I’m” here, in my body, everybody and everything else is “outside”) if we are willing to look a little deeper, we may discover that it’s not true in any absolute sense.

Once you steal even a glimpse of what you truly are — unlimited Beingness pretending to be limited — you are on your way.

Easier said than done, though. There are many conditioned patterns in place that will soon depress the exhilaration you may have felt with this peak experience — when the mind temporarily subsided.

And then you succumb to the games of the mind again. You may write your experience off as unimportant or an illusion of the brain and nervous system.

You forget the deep insights you had. That’s because those insights were from beyond the mind. This is where letting go comes in as a serious practice.

Every time you let something go, you are dissolving a layer of egoic consciousness. There are many many layers of this conditioned consciousness — much of it buried in the “subconscious.”

The less egoic consciousness you have, the more Light of your true Beingness can shine through and illuminate your world.

Egoic consciousness is the “dark stuff” that can come over you when you least expect it. Something someone says or doesn’t say, something that happens or doesn’t happen, triggers it.

In other words, expectations weren’t met.

 

Expectations Are A Lack Of Innocence

However, times when you are triggered, as painful as they may be, are also golden opportunities to let go. Your mind will be telling you otherwise, of course.

Your mind will be projecting it’s problems onto the person or situation as being the cause (and painting you as a victim.)

It will be very seductive in trying to get you to buy in to this storyline. This will feed the cycle of pain you are feeling even more.

BUT, if you are fortunate enough to have come across the fundamental life skill of letting go, you will be able to make a choice.

Note: I’m not talking about serious trauma or working through grief after loss. However, if you’re still grieving long after the fact, you may want to consider that you’re stuck in a pattern. There are also some Yoga schools (such as YogaFit) that are currently having success working with people who have PTSD.

 

 Letting Go Is A Choice

You will have to choose between negativity/limitation and freedom/Love. It’s THAT simple.

Would you rather be “right” and “vindicated” with your limited feelings or would you rather be free?

If you’ve never consciously let go before, you may believe that you don’t have a choice.

But if you are truly fed up with the repetitive and reactive, defensive patterns of your life in relationships, etc. you will perhaps see a glimmer of truth.

As a musician, I’ve faced more than my fair share of disappointment. I’ve experienced rejection or flat out being ignored when I’ve poured my heart, soul and skills into a project or idea.

This disappointment wouldn’t happen if I weren’t so attached to the outcome. Having expectations is a mechanical action.

Having no expectations, the mind is fresh and innocent.

Having no expectations is NOT another “should.” This is something you need to find out for yourself through your own life experiences.

If I put my creative work out there and the specific results I was hoping for don’t happen, I react and feel discouraged. Ok. Fine. 

This need for approval and validation can be a bottomless pit if we lack the awareness and tools to help us! 

But as soon as I become present and notice that I’m reacting, I start to observe the discouragement in action.

I see how I’ve been looking for happiness where it does not exist (in the world) instead of where it does exist (within me).

 

Some Powerful Tools To Help You Let Go

There are many powerful tools to let go. The one I love the best that works for me is called the Sedona Method.

Note: I’m not an affiliate with The Sedona Method (I won’t get any money if you click on the link and decide to purchase one of their programs) — just want to share this powerful tool for letting go with others who may resonate with it.

I’ve been using it daily since 2005, and I’m continually amazed at how it consistently helps me turn my mind around into a courageous and empowered state.

It’s a meditative tool of self inquiry that’s designed to turn the mind back around in the right direction. And it’s deceptively simple to use.

Typical Example: Are you feeling jealous comparing your life to someone else? The first step is to be present and realize that your mind has gotten turned around the wrong way!

Using a tool like the Sedona Method can help turn it back around quite quickly. You’ll actually be happy for that persons success! This is a great feeling of freedom. And you’ve dissolved a chunk of  egoic consciousness while you’re at it — never again to return, I might add. Although there are layers upon layers upon layers…

Even recognizing when your mind is holding on is a major accomplishment in awareness. Presence and awareness comes with practice and the alchemy of self transformation.

There are some other tools-for-letting-go I’ve heard great things about. There’s one called “tapping” that I’ve never tried (I’ve already got a way that works for me) but it may work for you!

Many people have found success with A Course In Miracles.

And of course the breath is always a key tool whenever we feel anxious or upset.

 

No “Letting Go Tool” Will Work If…

No tool for letting go will work if you’re not willing to let go. It’s hard enough sometimes with sticky issues even when you’re willing!

There’s a parable from the East about this…

The student asks the master, “what do I need to do in order to be enlightened?” The master takes the student to the lake and holds the student’s head under the water for a while. Finally he lets him back up and the student is gasping for air.

The master says “when you want freedom just as much as you wanted air right now, you’ll be well on your way to enlightenment!”

The is a dramatic example. We don’t need to be ascetics or abstain from the world. On the contrary, the world provides us with the challenges we need to grow.

However, the key is in really wanting to be free. That’s really what this story is illustrating. Wanting freedom is always on your mind 24/7. Even in the midst of intense action engaging with the world. If you can do that, you will get lighter and discover more true happiness every day.

Are You Willing To Let Go?

1. Use a tool that works for you. Some examples of tools that can help:

The Sedona Method

A Course In Miracles

Mindfulness and Breath

Yoga And Meditation

The Work by Byron Katie

Tapping (emotional freedom technique)

Listening to or reading Master Teachers like Eckhart Tolle

2. The tool will only work as well as the strength of your desire to be free and your understanding that it’s a choice. In other words, are you willing to let go?

Further Reading

What Is Holding You Back From What You Want Out Of Life?

The Goal Of Meditation

Let Go And Let God part 1

Let Go And Let God part 2

Let Go And Let God part 3

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Launching My YouTube Channel Soon And Facing Fear

I’ve been deeply involved with music for most of my life. And according to an astrology report based on my past lives, I’ve been a musician several times before.

You’re probably thinking “so, what’s your point?” And depending on your mental models of the world, you may even be thinking “astrology? Seriously?  Past lives? What?!”

Don’t worry. This article is not about astrology. Maybe in the future. I’m not an astrologer but in my experience, it’s quite a profound tool for self understanding. Even enneagrams (from Sufism) are being accepted into mainstream psychology and the corporate world. I’m simply more familiar with astrology.

And even though I believe (and perceive) that consciousness transcends death of the physical body, I still face my own mortality most days. This inspires me to use my talents and abilities the best I can every day.

I feel like I really have something to say. And if I don’t say it now, I may not get another chance.

sidenote: It’s a paradox to believe in reincarnation but to also be present in the moment. It can be pretty amazing when the veil lifts and the infinite reveals itself to be right here right now.

I’m on a mission to express my soul.

 

What Is Success?

Success to me is being able to express my true and authentic self. My soul. This includes my musical abilities as a singer, songwriter and guitarist.

BUT and this is a part of the struggle I’ve been facing. I also have another part of myself that yearns expression. I’ve been a “mystic” since I can remember. As far back as I can remember  the presence of a mysterious and formless Higher Power has been self evident to me.

Many strange experiences since childhood and I’ve now been seriously practicing a meditative and spiritual path for many years.

I finally realize it’s time to stop thinking about how to blend these 2 voices and just simply start doing it.

 

My Essential Strategy And Main Point Of This Article

My essential strategy for 2018 is to build my fanbase. I intend to do it with YouTube. I’m a bit scared but my excitement and passion are bigger than my fear right now.

I look at my YouTube channel and see my numbers and I think “man, that’s pathetic!” I have like 20 views or something like that on videos.

I should have many more than that! Not because anyone owes me anything or I think I’m “God’s gift.” I’m saying this to myself. “Dude! You should do something about your YouTube channel!”

So far I’ve only used YouTube as a repository to hold my videos so I can share them with you — my subscribers or anyone who happens by my website.

The numbers are pretty low and I really really want to take action on changing that. At least as much as I possibly can.

Will I succeed? Who knows. But I should be able to at least grow my fanbase to larger than it currently is. So I think that makes it well worth the effort and risk.

 

Launching My YouTube Channel

Yes. I already have a YouTube channel. But I’ve never truly “launched” it before. And I’ve certainly never committed to regular video uploading.

This is what I intend to do. I’m going to come up with a schedule that is realistic. Something along the lines of one upload per week along with one blog post per week.

My content will consist of my original songs since that is my main goal. I want more people to be aware of my songs so that hopefully more people can benefit from the inspiration, beauty and entertainment that they perceive in them.

And songwriting is really the reason why I do what I do at the end of the day. For me, there’s nothing like having an idea in your heart and mind and then bringing it to life.

I’ll also do my best to do a new blog post like this once a week or so. We’ll have to see how the scheduling goes because I’m already so busy writing, practicing, learning and upgrading skills, teaching students, etc.

I may need to cut back on how much social media interaction I do from my Instagram channel. I usually do this in the mornings — but I’ll probably cut back to 2 or 3 days weekly so I can blog and create video content.

 

Cover Songs

Since not very many people have heard of me, and the Internet world’s a pretty big and noisy place, I’ll need to do some cover songs so that people will find me on YouTube.

Here’s where it gets tricky. I have made a list of cover songs that I think I would enjoy doing a version of, but I don’t want to paint myself into a corner and wander off track from my original music.

However, I think I’ll have fun doing some covers. Mostly just guitar and voice so it should be fun and challenging to make them come to life in an interesting and cool way.

 

Guitar Instrumentals

I spend a fair amount of time playing my guitar (not as much as you may think since I need to spend time singing and keeping my voice strong as well as writing music and lyrics. Not to mention maintaining some basic chops on the piano). So I’ll probably do videos where I just play guitar. Acoustic and electric.

 

Behind The Scenes

There’s not much going on behind the scenes here, but if I think of something I’ll share it. Perhaps something I’m working on, new lyrics, how I work, etc. A few videos of this nature.

 

My Story

I’ll definitely share my thoughts. I can’t make music videos all the time — they tend to take a fair amount of preparation.

I think deeply a lot about life, who we are, mystical experiences…some call it “woo.” I find the term derogatory and arrogant since the fact that we exist at all is ALREADY pretty “woo” don’t you think?

That said, I do respect the beliefs of others. I believe very strongly that Love (understanding, empathy and sanity — not sentimentality) is the answer. We all have mental models of the world. Some of us don’t realize that we do, however.

So I’ll make videos about “woo” and how to overcome challenges, never give up, etc. They may also include books I’m reading that I’m excited to share.

I’ll probably write about spirituality and “grounded transcendence” in my blog as well.

 

Then What?

If I can grow a fanbase around my music this year, I’ll be thrilled to say the least! I don’t know what then, but hopefully many more possibilities will  open up to me that aren’t open to me right now.

I’ve come to realize it’s not so much about how good your music is as much as it is the experience of connection it provides for people.

Although for myself as an artist, I derive my own sense of satisfaction through creating something that reaches up to my own standards of what I want to hear. I also believe there’s a certain energetic “fingerprint” that gets encoded to the music. But that’s for another article on another day.

Although the past year has been a success filled year in many ways (and for which I’m incredibly grateful) hopefully my music will resonate with more even people this year!

Maybe I can even manage to outsource some of the recording responsibilities. When I do ALL the recording myself it takes a tremendous amount of time.

That way I can focus more on creating new music and other value filled content.

 

My Purpose

Another deeper and more soulful purpose with this mission helps to fuel me is this: I hope my story and journey will inspire others to do the same with whatever their mission is.

I really want to do my part in my little corner of the world to make the world a better place. By “better place” I don’t mean some kind of utopia like the one John Lennon sang about in Imagine.

Although I’m idealistic as well, I’m more of what you could call a pragmatic idealist.

My wish is to simply bring more sanity into the world.

If my sparks can help spark someone else, then I’ve done my job. Let’s bring more sanity in and eliminate more of the madness that seems to surround us. That’s our task right now.

Bigg Luv,

Dave

 

Further Reading

Once A Musician Always A Musician

Why Am I A Spiritual Teacher?

What Is Success?

Practicing Persistence

Why Do I Do It?

Back To Homepage

What Is Holding You Back From What You Want Out Of Life?

What is holding you back from what you want out of life? Recently I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions. The kind of questions that have the potential to bring new information to light and reorganize our minds. “What do I really want of life?” has been the main one. “Who or what am I?” are ongoing for me as part of my spiritual practice.

Often our minds have a state of inertia to new information, however. Our ego wants to keep us safe in our comfort zone and will resist taking in new information that has the potential to change our lives.

By the way, my song Butterfly is about this idea of transformation after a struggle.

 

What Do You Want Out Of Life? Looking Within For Answers

Questions such as “what is life? What do I want out of life? What actions can I take? Is there anything I need to learn? Is there anything I’m not looking at? etc.” can be helpful in getting answers.

The trick is we need to be listening when the answers come on cue. And they do. But we have to be willing to listen.

Recently, a few people have randomly said something along the lines of “when you’re famous” to me when talking about my music.

I didn’t pay any attention to it at first. Here’s why…

Being on a path of personal and spiritual growth I made a decision many years ago that fame was “bad.” Not to mention observing so many celebrities having huge issues and falls from grace.

I thought fame was a dangerous thing (perhaps it is — but that’s for another discussion). Many years ago, when I was aligned with that kind of  thinking, I got into trouble with alcohol etc. I was very active in bands and although this was because I was a serious and dedicated musician, I also based my sense of self worth on how well my band did. I wanted notoriety — and actually had some here in Toronto’s club scene with one of my bands starting to build a small and loyal following.

Energy Vampires

sidenote: It turned out that my co founder in that band was an “energy vampire” and I eventually realized I had to walk away. The gift in that was that I realized I truly wanted to be a solo artist. As a highly empathic person it took me a while to understand learn that there are people who truly do not have your best interests in mind.

But because of what people said to me (about being famous) recently, I reviewed my feelings about fame. I discovered it was probably better to have an open mind to the possibility. Especially since on a conscious level I’ve been doing my best to find the people who would appreciate my music and be uplifted by it.

 

Everybody Wants To Rule The World…

If I’m pushing away fame, I may inadvertently be blocking the flow of energy I need to get my music and message out in front of people.

I realized with all the reflection and self inquiry I’ve done in my life — along with the experience I’ve gathered — that I’m now far less vulnerable to either criticism or flattery (I’m not perfect — I DO certainly prefer compliments, but it doesn’t make me overly excited. It’s more like “Cool. That’s very nice to hear”).

It suddenly struck me that fame being dangerous was nothing more than an unexamined belief. Fame is like anything else. It’s neither “good” nor “bad.” There’s no need to label it. There’s enough polarization going on in our world as it is! I don’t have to agree with your opinions — or even like you, for that matter — in order to Love you as a part of the tapestry of Life.

Besides, I have a theory that eventually fame won’t be something that exists anymore. Everyone will be so connected and a vast number of talented people will be heard in various ways. It’s already well on it’s way now.

I don’t need fame to own my own sense of natural self esteem — the kind where I don’t feel above or below anyone. Even thought we’ve been taught since any of us can remember about the “pecking order” in our society.

I don’t need fame to prove myself to anyone, although that might be a little gravy to add to the pie where any naysayers are concerned!

 

What Are You Afraid Of That Just Might Be Holding You Back?

But I’m no longer afraid of it. Wanting to hide our light for fear of others disapproving of us is an almost universal plight. I’ve been struggling with it my whole life, but I think I’m beginning to see results and feeling much more freedom!

I’m not saying that “fame” will happen for me. I honestly don’t think it’s a realistic possibility as I’m not very aligned with mainstream media. But the subconscious fear of fame is no longer blocking my energy, beliefs or actions.

Why all this talk about fame? I’m a musician and speaker. The more people know about me, the more impact my message has. And this means I can spend even more time and energy focusing on creating this message via my music, writing and talks.

As I said, I’m fairly confident that fame in my case would definitely not be celebrity status. That’s fine as that is not what I truly want. What I want is more like that 1,000 true fans type of ideal. I’d like to be able to continue life normally while making my authentic contributions.

Like a successful self-help book author whom you may not recognize on the street type of thing (unless you were their fan). That would be really nice.

If not, I will continue learning, growing and making the best music I can. Writing the best articles I can.

Loving the people in my life to the best of my ability. And above all, being grateful for what is here now in the present moment.

What about you? What do you want out of life?

Read More Articles Like This

Being An Artist In A Fast Changing World

Once A Musician Always A Musician

What Is Success?

Why Do I Do It?

Practicing Persistence

Being An Artist In A Fast Changing World

Davidson Yeager spiritual teacher and musician

“How’s your writing going?” someone asked me today. She was referring to my songwriting. I was flattered like anybody is when someone is interested in what we do.

“It’s going great!” I confidently shot back. And in truth, it is. This person is a musician also (in a professional orchestra) and was in town for rehearsals and shows.

sidenote: this took place after a Zumba class where Mary will often play my songs for the cool down at the end of classes.

I explained further that I am fortunate to work on it everyday — albeit and hour here, 2 hours there, 30 minutes there.

I went further and shared that I’d made a decision many years ago that no matter what the world said or didn’t say in regard to my music didn’t matter.

“I don’t need the world’s permission to be an artist!” I said.

She agreed. Then she said, “ but it must be so hard. I mean everybody here loves your music and appreciates it, but there’s so much competition (and noise!)”

I replied “true, but that’s how I know that there are people who will genuinely appreciate my music. It’s up to me to find more of them somehow.”

 

Being An Artist…

This brief conversation got me reflecting on my decisions a bit. And I decided to write about it here.

I know I’ve talked before about being at the “crossroads.” And it wasn’t to make a deal with the devil, it was feeling frustrated with being a musician.

Having a calling can be a double edged sword. A blessing or a curse depending upon how you look at it.

And the view can change dynamically in real time as your life unfolds and depending upon context.

It also depends a great deal upon how you’ve integrated the lessons involved.

By lessons I mean there’s a wild untamed spirit inside of us all. We get socialized. I have nothing against society. There are many benefits to being a member.

But I realize that I’ve never allowed my wild spirit to be completley squandered. By wild spirit I’m not talking about having issues with authority and rebelling (been there, done that!) .

 

How I Managed To Do This Despite The Best Efforts Of Others Is Revealed Below…

It’s useful to be able to use the various personas and masks that we all develop in order to interact with society.

I just never completely bought into them. I almost have at times. But fortunately for me, I always managed to escape at the last minute.

I’m finally beginning to learn and assimilate how to be true to myself and also contribute to society and the lives of others at the same time.

Most of us are unbalanced on one side or the other. Many people sacrifice themselves and then end up resenting or being cynical. It’s not easy — no one gets taught these things in school, that’s for sure! Of course, it’s the opposite.

 

Beginners In Love

You could say that society and relationships were first designed for survival. But we all know that Life is more than mere survival. “Work to get money to buy food to get strength to work to get money to buy food to get strength…”

But after thousands of years, humans in general seem to be at a crossroads. One where relationships are chosen for a sense of connection and intimacy. A synergy between the partners.

I’ve seen this type of relationship coined a “vital” relationship.

And this synergy can expand into the community and into the world.

So we’re all beginners in this expansion  together. It’s pretty cool do this dance. Is there one word I could use to say what method I personally used? Yes. Love.

If you read this far, keep the fires of love for yourself and Life burning. Whatever it takes, do this! This creates an alchemy of character and soul that no science can ever explain.

Nothing in the world will ever be able to hurt you.

Searching For My Soulmate: “Wonderwoman” Song

Searching For My Soulmate
Wonderwoman

 

 

For many years, I was searching for my Soulmate. Wonderwoman is about part of this search. What I had to do. The courage. The faith. The trust and the inner work. It’s like this:

Soulmates are the one. Twin flames feel like the one, but they aren’t. Twin Flames can be sometimes, but that’s only after going through chaos and doing a lot of inner work on yourself.

I wrote this song to inspire myself, console myself and to give myself hope. It’s one of the songs from my EP “Hey Mary Hey” which is inspired and dedicated to my wife and Soulmate, Mary 🙂

 

Searching For My Soulmate (Somewhere In The Late 1990’s…)

I was co founder of an original band playing the Toronto club scene (and searching for my soulmate in my spare time 😉

We had a strong following, but things were going sour with band relations — as they tend to do — and it was no longer fun for me.

I stopped bringing in my ideas to the band practices and soon left the band. I hit the open mic circuit really hard with a lot of unleashed musical creativity.

I was dating different women at the time. In a few cases, even though there was attraction and/or connection, deep down I knew we weren’t meant to be.

I knew I couldn’t settle. Or even hope that things would work out with these women in the way I wanted deep in my heart.

That’s how I came up with the idea for this soulmate song, Wonderwoman.

As I said above, it’s a song about soulmates and twin flames.

 

Searching For Your Soulmate? Follow Your Heart

I felt as if there was a knowing in my soul that was calling to me. My soulmate. I couldn’t see her, and I didn’t know who she was.

I just knew she existed. Somewhere. I could feel her in my heart and soul.

I named her Wonderwoman. And I wrote the song. About never settling for less than your Soulmate.

Check this out:

When I did meet my Soulmate (Mary) many years later, she was a huge fan of Wonderwoman and Lynda Carter.

How about you? Have you ever felt these kinds of feelings? Are you searching for your Soulmate? Have you had a Twin Flame experience? Are you with your Soulmate?

Please leave me a comment below. And please share this post with your friends.

You may also enjoy reading:

Finding Your Soulmate Song: “Hey Mary Hey!”

Eternal Soulmates Part 2

Return to Songs by Davidson Yeager

 

Wonderwoman Lyrics

Wonderwoman   words and music by Davidson Yeager copyright 2015

VERSE 1

I…you know I am a lover

It’s just me and sister music undercover

I just wanna be a friend

It’s just the way I am until the bitter end

No you… you say you’re in love

But all your bags are packed with pain and misery

You don’t wanna be free

CHORUS

I was dreaming’ of

Me and Wonderwoman

Inside of my mind

There’s not enough time enough time

She says

Me and Wonderwoman

You know it’s outta control

But if you believe in her

She’ll give you her soul

Give ya!

VERSE 2

I…I’m trying’ to break black water

And my heart is like a lamb being led to the slaughter

You…you’re such a smokin’ hot glamour

Yeah but I’m just using you you’re using me

I’d much rather be free!

CHORUS

Now I’m back to

Me and Wonderwoman

Inside of my mind

There’s not enough time enough time

She says

Me and Wonderwoman

You know it’s outta control

But if you believe in her

She’ll give you her soul

Give ya!

OUTRO

Woman

Wonderwoman

Me and wonder woman

My wonder woman

Well I wonder!

Woman

Wonderwoman

Wonderwoman, etc.

 

Why Am I A Spiritual Teacher?

Why am I a spiritual teacher and what do I bring to the table? Someone recently inquired as to my background. Teachers I’ve studied with, books I’ve read, practices, etc.

So I thought it may be helpful for some of you to understand what has led to my being a spiritual teacher.

Amongst other things, of course.

Childhood Mystical Experiences

As a child I had “mystical” experiences. As an adult reflecting upon those experiences it was very tempting to put them off as childhood imaginings.

However, upon doing more research and thinking, I’ve come to the conclusion that they were valid experiences.

One of the motifs in my teaching and philosophy is that we are heavily conditioned by the current myth of scientific materialism.

Note: I have no issue with science, of course. It’s helped humanity immensely. I only take issue with the fundamentalist approach whether that is in spiritual matters or science.

 

Existential Angst And Scientific Materialism

This environment of materialism — that only things that can be measured are real — has led to an epidemic of existential angst. Depression, anxieties and the like are all extremely common in our culture.

 

Memories Of Reincarnation?

Back to childhood. One of the most vivid experiences I had was when I was 4 or 5 years old and living in Winnipeg. I can recall going down the stairs to the basement of a neighbor’s house and suddenly being overcome by the knowingness that I’d been here before.

A voice inside said “Oh! This place again. I’m here again.” Meaning in physical form upon the earth.

I had many other experiences as a child such as knowing what song was about to play on the radio or who was calling on the phone.

“Some things have to be believed to be seen.” Ralph Hodgson

 

Follow Your Heart

As a teenager, I can remember thinking about what the Christian churches were teaching. And I remember thinking to myself that if good deeds and kindness didn’t come from the heart, but were just an obedience out of fear of punishment, then it didn’t mean anything true.

I thought about things like this a lot as a teen.

“Make sure that your religion is a matter between you and God only.” Wittgenstein

 

Sex, Drugs And Rock n Roll

Too many “aha moments” and “satori” to list here. I’ll skip ahead to my next major awakening. I’d been going through a period in my life where I was really lost and depressed.

I was playing in rock bands at the top clubs around Toronto at night and working in kitchens and teaching guitar by day.

And I was drinking and doing drugs. My life was out of control.

I tried stopping on my own. And I’d succeed from time to time. A couple of weeks here, a month there, a few days there. But the behaviour patterns that were driving me were compulsive.

One day I got on my knees and prayed for help. I felt a sudden calm. I was drawn to the closest public library.

I went in to the psychology section and took down all the books relating to addiction I could find.

Several books suggested AA as being one of the best ways to really deal with the issue of addiction.

That was it. I looked up meetings in Toronto and I was at my first meeting that night. Over the course of the next 6 months, I went to no less than one meeting everyday. I worked the 12 steps with my sponsor and am now closing in on 20 years of sobriety.

If you’re reading this and addiction to alcohol or drugs is an issue, I can’t recommend AA highly enough.

Even though after 6 months I never went to anymore meetings. That was my path. We all have our own path to navigate.

My internal guidance at this time said it was time for me to spread my wings. I didn’t want to tell the story of my being “wounded” anymore.

 

Freedom

I was free of that story.

By this time I had cultivated a dedicated and strong spiritual connection with my Higher Power. I had a meditation practice in place and dove into studying and working on myself.

One of the first things I did was read John Bradshaw’s work on the inner child and family dynamics. I also did most of the exercises he suggested.
I then got into studying some Buddhism along with all the psychology I could get my hands on.

One of the coolest spiritual practices I engaged with was allowing myself to feel what I was feeling instead of distracting myself.

This led to quite a bit of healing. To the point where having been estranged from my family as a teenage runaway, I was now on very good terms with them.

10 years ago I discovered and began to practice one of the single most powerful tools I’ve ever encountered. It’s called the Sedona Method.

In a nutshell, it’s the practice of letting go of negativity and limiting feelings/thoughts.

I’ve been using this daily — and I can honestly say that if someone approaches this tool with sincerity and honesty, they can achieve as much in a few months as doing several years of traditional meditation.

I still use traditional meditation along with the Sedona Method.

 

The Power Of Now

Another teacher who had a huge impact on me when I first read The Power of Now back in 1999 or 2000 was Eckhart Tolle. I remember at the time of reading I thought “so this is what Krishnamurti was talking about!”  (J. Krishnamurti is a very powerful spiritual teacher from the 20th century who I read a lot of as a teen. I was then living and working in Toronto on my own).

Thanks to Tolle’s teachings, I still practice being present. Noticing if I’m avoiding the “present moment” by using it as a means to an end or not. Feeling my inner energy field.

Am I feeling resistance to things that are happening? Can I say “yes” to these things I’m resisting — including the resistance itself?  These are practices that have been ingrained in my daily life whether I’m in a conversation or typing an article such as this.

Note: By the way, saying “yes” to the present moment doesn’t mean giving up the power to change things. As a matter of fact, we have more power, creativity and intelligence at our disposal when we are not in a state of emotional resistance to “what is.” This requires a willingness to be honest with oneself, of course 🙂

I still get triggered and feel negative emotional states. But now I have tools to deal with them rather quickly.

Most of the time I’m able to let go of them within seconds or minutes. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but never longer than an hour or so. Once in a blue moon something’s lasted a bit longer than that. Perhaps 2 hours or so.

These are not set parameters — just a way for me to communicate that we can take our power back. We do have the power to choose happiness and freedom over wanting to control things.

And like anyone, I’ve had my share of disappointments, “failures”, and challenges. But through all of that, I can say that it’s been many many years since I’ve had a bad day.

 

Why Am I A Spiritual Teacher?

I feel called to be a spiritual teacher. I don’t think I “know” anything that anybody else doesn’t know.

Just that when I say things, it may resonate with a deeper part of you that you previously didn’t have access to.

I’m simply a friend along the way. Maybe I’ve got a candle that you can use to light your own candle.

My motive is that I want to be the change I wish to see in the world. And if the Universe conspires to bring people to listen to the words I’m using to point at the moon with, then great! Maybe we can all change this world together.

Optimistically yours,
Dave

Once A Musician Always A Musician

If you’ve been following my posts you’ll know that I’ve been going through a metamorphosis of sorts.

Like when the caterpillar feels the itch to allow the butterfly to emerge.

All you can do is surrender. Well, you don’t have to — but it makes it much easier.

For the first few weeks of 2016 I didn’t touch my guitar unless I was teaching.

I sang around the house when moved to sing a song, but did no vocal exercises (singing is a muscle).

I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t fall into the pattern of thinking I really had to do something with my music.

I mean, commercially. You know, make money from it.

Because for me, it’s just not working. The drug is not doing it’s thing.

If you know me, you know that I’m the master of discipline and perseverence. Going after your dream, being courageous and consistent, etc. All that stuff is child’s play for me.

That’s not the issue for me. It was coming to the realization that it’s just not what I want anymore.

 

Sometimes Dreams Change

It’s like suddenly realizing the shoes you’re wearing are too tight.

Or the person you’re “in love” with is just not loving you back, man! Get over it. Walk away. Move on.

Know what I mean? The wisdom to know the difference.

So it’s been interesting and disorienting at times waiting and allowing the “butterfly” to emerge from the caterpillar.

I’m getting glimpses.

And I’m now practicing a bit. 4 or 5 days a week is all I’m allowed. No more than 20 minutes on guitar and about 40 minutes of singing each day.

Just bare minimum to keep in shape.

And have fun. No commercial agenda. No putting pressure on myself.

 

What I’ve Been Up To In The Meantime

Previously I also talked about how I enjoy the idea of teaching about spiritual tools, techniques and realizations.

Stuff for people who are looking for that.

How to meditate, develop awareness, access intuitive faculties, more creativity, peace of mind, less reactive, more patient, etc.

And of course, to realize God. God being a word or pointer that I’m using in this context. You can use Source, Divine Intelligence, The Tao, etc.

I assume this is going to take some time to develop. I just want to follow the impulse to discuss these things and see where it leads me.

Meanwhile, I still need to earn a living, so…

 

Psychic Impressions

I’m still teaching music lessons privately and enjoying it very much. It’s very rewarding to work with the people I’m working with.

Helping them develop their musical gifts and interests.

I’m also still helping Mary with her Zumba and Yoga businesses however I can. This can be at class when I can make it, or brainstorming with her over coffee in the morning.

I’m also helping Mary with her psychic business. Because I’ve been interested in and studied tarot cards and astrology since my youth, it’s a natural fit.

In the past, I never felt doing readings professionally would be something I could ever do.

But Mary has been doing it since she was a teen. Both because of her gypsy heritage and her natural (and awesome!) gift at it.

She’s been training me over the past 10 years, and I’ve now done hundreds of readings both over the phone and at parties/events.

I really used to resist at doing readings too much in the past because I had a lot of pride in my abilities as a musician.

Not to mention my “guysho” (non gypsy) upbringing making me feel less than authentic.

But now I find I’m enjoying it.

And I can help people with my psychic impressions (how’d I develop that? Born that way plus many years of meditation, working with crystals, Reiki attunements, etc.) intuitive insights and common sense.

By the way, we all receive psychic impressions. It’s really just the developing the ability and confidence to “catch” them.

 

Music

I just want to close out by saying I know that somehow music’s still very much in the picture. I just don’t know how it’s going to fit in with my life yet.

I do have a new song that I’d really love to record. It’s constantly playing in my head and giving me goose bumps. It’s called “Empty Hands.”

As a writer, that’s when you know you’ve written a cool song that will connect with people.

I’ll keep you posted.

Let Go And Let God part 3

Last time I left off, I was telling you about my passion for sharing spiritual insights with people. Inspiring people to empower themselves.

I’ve been going after a career in music for a long time. And I’ve had many ups and downs, adventures and different experiences.

What I’ve come to realize is that I’m not sure if the vision I had was accurate. And what I want. I don’t know if music is the only thing I want.

I don’t know if I want to sacrifice other parts of myself in order to singlemindedly pursue my music ambitions.

Because as much as I have learned quite a bit about successfully tapping into the Law of Attraction (the power of our minds to create) in order for it to work, you need to be in alignment.

That means you need to really want what you want. It has to really speak to you deep down.

It also means that you are in alignment with the forces and structures that exist here on the planet.

 

 

Structures Already In Play

If you know anything about the archetypal wisdom contained within the tarot deck, you’ll know this energy is best described by The Emperor card.

For example, governments, taxes and society are forces that have been set into motion over the course of millennia.

You can’t ignore them. A simple example: If you’re a guy and you want a girlfriend, well society has certain “rules” that are in play.

You can’t just walk up to a gal and expect her to be your girlfriend.

There are certain protocols to follow. Some of them may be influenced by nature, but many of them come from society.

 

In the music business (as in any business if you want to succeed) there are rules and protocols. And that’s where my blockage comes in.

For one thing, since I don’t drink or smoke, I have a slight aversion to late nights in bars. I used to do that all the time and my career was busier, but my life sucked.

Right now I would definitely need to go out an play more gigs in order to create my music dream. Get face to face with more people.

That’s fine, but it’s a lot of work. And I’m not sure I want to do that right now.

As much as I love to play music and perform, I don’t know if I’d enjoy that being my main focus all the time.

Not for the low pay (if any) at the beginning of such a venture. I’ve been there and done that. Several times.

Hiring other musicians, rehearsing, getting people to show up to the show, etc. It’s very hard work.

Of course, this kind of work can lead to getting a team and then an actual paycheck at the end of the night, but not for a while.

I’m not sure I want to be spending that much time away from other things in my life — and when I do succeed? Probably spending large chunks of time away from home and family.

asking life's tough questions
Asking life’s tough questions

Tough Questions

These are the tough questions I’ve been asking myself. Questions like these are tough to ask ourselves because it means coming out of denial in some aspect of our lives.

Everyone has these blind spots. It’s a lot easier to see patterns like this in others than in ourselves.

I’ve been going after this dream for so long that I hadn’t stop to think about what was really involved.

When I was younger, unattached and didn’t care if I lived in a van for a year eating microwaved tacos, I also didn’t have the support, resources or confidence to make it work.

I will say I had the musical talent though.

 

  Oh The Irony!

The irony is, now that I have more resources, more confidence and networking skills, I don’t know that I want to do that.

It’s not just about music anymore. It’s also about Lifestyle Design.

I’m such a different person now than when I thought music was all I wanted. That was a past self.

And the funny thing is, that these New Age/Spiritual and self help type of ideas have been my passion and natural inclination for as long as I can recall. Just like music.

The Illusion Of Perfection…

I used to believe that I had to wait until I was “perfect” before I could be a spiritual teacher. Who was I to think that I could empower others? I realize differently now.

And because Life has many rhythms and cycles, tides coming in and out, I’m allowing my vision of truth to come to me. To emerge from within me.

I know that it will. It may well end up being music for all I know. And I’m just taking a break from it right now. Recharging my batteries.

Or, and this seems much closer, it may be some hybrid fusion of being a spiritual teacher, self empowerment expert and musician.

I’ll keep you posted!

 

Let Go And Let God part 2

In part 1 of this series,  I wrote about how my life path and journey are undergoing a major renovation.

I’d like to share where I stand now and what I’m thinking I might be doing as I move forward.

It has to do with something I learned from when I attended Alcoholics Anonymous.

I’ve been clean and sober coming up on 20 years now.  I’ll share that story and the lessons learned another time.

Anyhow, they would use slogans that were very helpful with the healing process. One of my favourite ones was “Let go and let God.”

To the uninitiated this doesn’t mean being passive or apathetic. Quite the opposite.

If you’re a hardcore materialist you may have some trouble with this, but please bear with me.

Our Universe is a field or grid of energy. At this subatomic or quantum level, everything is connected and holistic. Intelligent.

We could be likened to bumper cars at the midway. The more we can tap into this higher source of energy, the more power we have.

Trick is, it’s one of those counterintuitive things. We have to let go and get out of our own way in order for this Intelligent Power to flow more freely into our lives.

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Infinity

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been aware of eternity. Infinity.

As a child, my father ( a pilot and navigator in the armed forces) told me that the Universe was infinite.

He explained the concept of infinite as being without end. He wasn’t 100% “bad” — which is why I’ve forgiven all that happened between us in the past.

I love my father. He was doing the best he knew how at that time. So was I.

My mother grew up participating in the church. She sang in the choir, and did something called CGIT (Canadian Girls In Training — I think it’s kinda like the boyscouts or something).

She told me God was everywhere and in everything.

I can recall what I felt thinking about infinity. I tried imagining what that was.

Then I perceived that there really was no end.

Because if there was, there’d have to be “nothing” on the other side of the line where the Universe ended.

And how could there be “nothing?” Even the nothing would be something. Not to mention, if there was no end, there was also no beginning.

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Sidenote: Wrapping my mind around God being everywhere and in everything was a little harder, and made me slightly paranoid 😉

This was all at around the age of 7 or 8.

Also, from what I can gather, my father is or was an atheist or at least agnostic. Perhaps humanist. He never told me, and I never asked.
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The Observer And The Observed

I have another vivid memory from about 5 years of age when my family was living in Winnipeg.

I went to a neighbors house with kids around the same age where we usually played in their basement.

As I went down the stairs, I had a sudden flash from a bigger and deeper part of myself.

“Oh…I’m here again!” “Here” meaning this planet earth. And a feeling of having had many previous lives.

Another memory from about the age of 14 or so. And this actually was part of an ongoing process that has become an overarching theme in my life…

As I would lie in bed at night, before sleeping, I would find myself observing my thoughts.

And I would wonder who is it that is observing the thoughts? Am I the thinker? Or am I the observer of the thinker?

And I would notice that the observer had been there all my life. Unchanging.

It didn’t matter how much my mind or body changed, this perceiving intelligence (my true “primordial” self) was changeless throughout.

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Later, in Toronto, once I had work and a girlfriend and a room in a rooming house, I would give informal talks about these kinds of things to my friends.

I was reading a lot of J. Krishnamurti and studying things like astrology. These sources of information verified the kinds of insights I’d been having.

Oh yeah…and during my first few months in Toronto I remember feeling the presence of an angel beside me as I walked up Yonge St.

And I knew somehow I wasn’t imagining this. I “knew” it must be my guardian angel.

This silent loving presence soundlessly and wordlessly communicated to me that I was safe. Not to worry.

Well, I’m not going to write about the details of my adventures during those times. But the fact I came out alive and unscathed truly is a miracle.

So why am I telling you all this? Definitely not because I think I’m “special.”

I personally believe that there are many “old souls” here on the planet who have had these kinds of experiences — but due to the pressure of society and the mainstream worldviews have dismissed them.

And over the years, they’ve lost touch with this type of intuitive information.

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I’m definitely feeling a deeper sense of purpose right now as I think about somehow putting my voice out there.

For people who feel isolated and live in the margins of society. For people who have struggled and want to stop struggling.

For anyone looking to have a deeper sense of connection with themselves and Life.

For anyone who is just trudging through their days without a sense of direction or passion and purpose.

I don’t care what your beliefs are. I’m not here to talk politics or religion.

I’m here to shine a light so that you (if you’re still reading this you must be interested) can feel safe to shine yours too.

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If He/She Can Do It, You Can Too

“If he can do it, I can do it too!” kind of thing. That’s how AA worked for me.

The light doesn’t belong to anyone in particular.

It is the essence of who we are. Before we get programmed by a fearful society.

These fears may have had a place in the distant dark past of humanity — but most fear based beliefs are no longer necessary or relevant.

The world is changing rapidly. Not just in the areas of the economy and technology.

But in the overall frequency if you will.

More people are waking up. And then falling back asleep of course (usually in traffic or when the ticking of the clock gets louder), but nonetheless waking up.

It’s very exciting!

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The more smart and heart felt people who aren’t afraid to shine their light, the more the world will begin to shift into a more positive and healthy direction.

These blog posts are the first small step in dealing with how Life wants to express and create through me at this point in my life.

I will probably continue to blog on these topics. Perhaps make videos as well.

Music? Not sure yet. I haven’t formally practiced in 10 days now.

That’s the longest I can remember in at least 20 years.

I’m deliberately taking a break so I can allow my true nature to emerge without any bias to it. No agenda.

I want the truth of Life to shine through me. I surrender absolutely to what that truth is.

I feel music will still be an integral part of my life. The other day while teaching a student, I had to sing a passage for them — and my heart jumped for joy at singing.

And I’ve been singing around the house more recently — and loving it.

I have to play guitar when I teach. And I’ve had a couple of times where I really came alive inside while playing.

But that’s the point. I want to keep my music free. Free from agendas. Free from being a workaholic.

Free from obsession. Free from being so attached to any specific outcome.

I want the joy that I bring to my music to remain unsullied as much as possible. So for now, my music is under my watchful eye.

Until I know that it can breathe and flow naturally without me trying to make things happen.

If you don’t understand any of this, and you think you need to “make things happen” in life, that’s ok. In my experience, it doesn’t work. Not for me. Not anymore.

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Going With The Flow Of Abundance

In my experience it’s more about remaining grateful and feeling abundant. And then allowing things to happen.

Of course, action needs to be taken. Roll up your sleeves and all of that.

But it’s what I like to call aligned action.

Kind of like going down the rapids in a kayak. Using the paddle to steer and work with the flow of the river.

And guess what? Just got a brand new car from just that type of mind set.

Read Part 1 Of This Series

Go To Part 3 Of This Series

Let Go And Let God part 1

This is Part 1 in a series.

I had been so inspired with my guitar playing recently.  I’d been practicing and thinking about it virtually non stop since early fall 2015.

And this after playing most days of my life since my teenaged years. Self taught.

And of course, I’ve been teaching guitar professionally for 22 years now.

I also majored in guitar at one of Canada’s finest music colleges. Graduated at the top of my class.

After graduation, I did a bunch of things guitar related. Played in cover bands, original bands (lots of girls!), solo gigs at conferences and weddings (nice pay!), started my teaching biz.

Played a thousand open mics. Literally.

Not to mention that last year (2015) I finally was able to produce an EP of 5 of my songs of totally professional quality.

This is no easy task — even though home recording is so accessible. To learn the engineering and then use the equipment to get professional results is a formidable task.

With some help and mentoring (Thanks Gary!), and lots of practice over the years, I was finally able to do it in my small home studio.

I also had support from many of you who are reading this too — by pre purchasing the CD “Hey Mary Hey.” Thank you 🙂

This is all just to say that guitar and music has been a big part of my life and my goals.

A few weeks ago, I decided to google a service in GTA (Greater Toronto Area for those not familiar with Toronto, Canada — or T-dot for short) to fix a minor issue with my guitar amp.

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Fuzz Pedals

It led me to a guy in the suburbs who builds his own amps and guitar pedals from scratch. All based on the gear in the late sixties and early seventies.

Point to point hand wired amps, germanium transistors in the fuzz pedals instead of silicon. Vintage.

The stuff that created the magic tones of Jimi Hendrix, David Gilmour (Pink Floyd) and other “guitar heroes.”

The amp, pedals and guitar one instrument of only wood, steel and glass.

I was intrigued and inspired by his concept when we chatted over the phone. So I decided to go to his shop and check out a germanium fuzz pedal.

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Frustrated Geniuses

The day before I was scheduled to head over, he called me up to confirm. We ended up chatting a bit more about the music business and being a musician.

He said something completely unintentional that hit me like a ton of bricks.

He said something along the lines of “Yeah, like those frustrated geniuses that think they need to suffer for their art. They’re still really trying to make their music work.”

And I thought “Is that me?” And this question continued to work it’s way into my consciousness for the rest of the day.

And while I slept and dreamt that night.

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The next morning, a Monday, I was “dazed and confused.” I didn’t know what was happening to me.

I was able to function, but I was just going through the motions. I felt disconnected from my usual surroundings somehow.

I decided it was some weird temporary thing and that the best thing to do would be simply push through with my original plans as best I could.

I drove out to the burbs and met Steve. The guy who builds amps and fuzz pedals, etc.

I tried his pedals. Sounded great, but I wasn’t excited because I was so zapped out from not knowing what was going on.

“Was music even my thing anymore?” I kept asking myself silently.

I saw how Steve had a young family (a couple of toddlers), a nice little house and a rack of guitars and gear.

He basically played for fun, and while I was there another dude showed up to pick up a Marshall amp that Steve had fixed up for him.

I decided to get the fuzz pedal in the hopes that I was just in a temporary delusional state — and that my “normal” inspiration and confidence would return.

I handed Steve a wad of cash after the other dude left (after he handed Steve an even bigger wad of cash).

I thought “Wow. Steve’s just treating it like a hobby. And look at the money!”

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Money

Ok. Money. A hot issue with everyone.

Everyone is either chasing after it, or they have an aversion to it.

Or some “driving with the brakes on” combo of the two. But we all need it.

note: Money is also a cool tune by the above mentioned Pink Floyd. It’s in 7/4 time.

In the past, I had mixed programming regarding money. I grew up in a middle class home where money was not the problem.

The problem was an abusive father. Physically and mentally.

I don’t want to get into that too much other than to shed some light on things.

And there may be readers who have similar issues and they can benefit from my story.

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Because of the relentless pressure from the relationship with my father, I decided to leave home at the tender age of 17 and I ended up on the streets of Toronto.

This lasted for a little while until I was able to start getting work, etc. I was directed by a compassionate hostel worker to a social worker who helped me.

I was able to use their phone, get a resume typed (yes, typed!) up, etc. Feel some acceptance for who I was.

Others in my family (uncles, cousins, etc.) were even upper middle class and a couple were even rich.

I saw that people weren’t necessarily happy, therefore money wasn’t the source of happiness.

Nothing external is. External things reflect our happiness –or unhappiness — back to us.

Or they are simply neutral and we project our stuff onto it.

Toward the end of high school, I  thought that when I did earn a living, I at least wanted to do something I enjoyed.

Not just for the money. Something I could feel passionate about.

So part of my programming came about as a reaction or rebellion to the way I was brought up.

I was kind of anti money. Definitely as far as the “keeping up appearances” kind of having money.

Plus, starting on the Toronto streets (hanging out in the Eaton Centre and Salvation Army drop in centres to stay warm — very tough at Christmas watching the shoppers) and scratching my way up from there — well, let’s just say I missed more meals than your average college student.

Besides the rebelliousness toward money and the WASP (white anglo saxon protestant) status quo of my family, I also developed “poverty consciousness.”

I began to believe that I was less than others. I didn’t deserve.

I formed these false beliefs from my first years being on my own with little to no support.

After many years of working on myself and various issues, I think I’ve made some great progress.

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Changes

In the areas of health, I’m doing great. I’m full of vitality and regular exercise is an installed habit.

I don’t smoke or drink and have no trouble sticking to a healthy diet.

I’m also with my soulmate. We’re going strong coming up on 10 years now.

We’re a team and to me she’s absolutely the most fascinating and incredible person. And of course, very beautiful!

We’re wiser and stronger and more loving together.

I’ve managed to survive for the past 20 plus years with not much more than a guitar, my musical skills and my understanding of human nature.

But now I’m not certain where I stand in relation to my musical journey and goals. A major shift has occured.

Read Part 2 Here.