Butterfly: A Soothing Song About The Transformative Power Of Love

Butterfly soothing song
Artwork by Mary

Butterfly is a soothing song is about how my relationship with my wife Mary has transformed me.

After the honeymoon brain chemicals wear off, we have a choice to explore love. To be creative with learning about love.

Luckily for me, Mary’s on the same page.

Sometimes we don’t agree. And sometimes these can trigger sensitive issues from the past. We need to be careful with these situations. I look at these disagreements as opportunities to release suppressed energy from the past.

The trick is to stay alert while you feel these intense feelings. It’s usually a feeling of wanting to control (or be out of control). But because you love the other person and you want to grow, you do your best to let go. Breathe. Listen.

And when it’s appropriate to get some time on your own, you can use specific spiritual tools or methods to get in touch with your core essence of Love. Things will usually shift right away.

Of course, a little arguing is like rain. It’s healthy.  It can clear the air. But too much causes a lot of serious damage!

 

 

Butterfly: A Soothing Song

The other fantastic thing I’ve discovered is that the more I transform negativity within myself, the more Mary is willing to listen to what I want.

So I’m also practicing and learning to actually listen to her. Understand her. Without needing to be “right.”

This creates space for Love and Creativity to enter. To heal. I am able to love unconditionally at a much higher level now than I ever could in the past.

If my heart does close out of fear, I’m able to open it up again relatively quickly. Thanks to my muse and honey, Mary! 🙂

It’s a really incredible journey we are taking together!

So that’s what the song is about. I like to say Butterfly is a soothing song.

 

How “Butterfly” Came To Be Produced

As usual, I wrote the song and proceeded to record it. I played and sang all the parts in my home studio.

I then mixed the song to the best of my ability. I’m getting pretty decent at mixing, but I wouldn’t call myself a world class mixing engineer. But I’m pretty good.

My friend and mentor Gary Gray has helped me a great deal with my mixing skills by giving me feedback on my work.

I then apply his suggestions until the mix is ready.

 

Now The Story Gets Interesting!

I had actually forgotten about the song for a couple of years. I write a fair amount of songs, so I’d already moved on.

Butterfly sat on the shelf.

One day, Mary was filming in her office looking for fairies. She’s really into the whole realm of Nature Spirits.

They show up as orbs and dancing lights. Dusk is the easiest time to see them. If they show themselves.

I wasn’t sure about them before, but I’m a believer now. I’ve felt their presence and seen them too many times now.

The film Mary took that evening was the first time I’d seen them.

And she was playing my unmastered version of Butterfly while she filmed!

I was listening and thinking to myself “wow! It’s a better song than I remembered. Hmm…”

 

Enter Magic…

Around the time of this fairy filming experience, I was notified that I was a finalist in an international song competition I’d entered.

I’d won a prize of $2500.00 worth of mixing and mastering. Help from the fairies? Perhaps it was. I can definitely use all the help I can get! 🙂

The studio I used was Gary’s. He’s worked with a lot of very talented people down in Los Angeles, so I feel very grateful to have his input on my song.

That’s how I got Butterfly mastered. That’s the version you hear now.

Gary’s partner, Kristen LaRoche is a rock solid and very talented drummer. She played live drums in Gary’s studio to replace my drum programming.

 

What Is Mastering?

Mastering is bringing the sound to a certain standard. The song could be played beside anything you hear on the radio.

This requires a great deal of technical expertise which I don’t possess!

It basically has to do with the loudness, punch and shine of the music.

There are people who will do it for you on the internet for a cheap price — but the results are not at all impressive.

Major artists will typically be very selective about their mastering engineer. I’ve read that Canadian artists Rush will personally go to New York to a mastering engineer there.

Mastering is the final stage of production. But it’s no less important than the original songwriting, performances in the studio and mixing.

Here’s The Video Where You Can See Fairies And Orbs

Important Note: The music gets really distorted for some reason at a couple of places. But I thought the video is still interesting and decided it was worth posting. This is the unmastered version of Butterfly with my “drumming” (played on keyboard).

The 2nd song is my song “Whispers In The Wind.” I recorded that several years ago when I was first learning to record my own projects at home. I will quite possibly re do this song again in the future. I think it has good potential.

Butterfly Lyrics copyright Davidson Yeager

Butterfly before I found you I was on the run

Butterfly I knew a change had to come

Butterfly I left the past behind and I reached for the Golden Sun

Butterfly somthin’ in me had to die for you to come my way

And I went down so many dead end roads lookin’ for you

Now that I found you I don’t want to go oh no

Butterfly you dry the tears from my eyes

Butterfly no clouds in my sky

Butterfly you bring the world on a string

Butterfly let’s dance and sing!

Butterfly now that you’re with me my heart it sings so free

Butterfly you’ve opened up my eyes I see through this world’s thin disguise

Butterfly on the day I die you and I will continue to fly

‘Cos my Butterfly Destiny. Dance partners under the sun.

ooh I went down so many dead end roads lookin’ for you

Now that I found you I don’t want to go oh no

Butterfly you dry the tears from my eyes

Butterfly no clouds in my sky

Butterfly you bring the world on a string

Butterfly let’s dance and sing!

Now that I’ve found out where I’d hidden my pot of gold

It wasn’t at the end of the rainbow

It was with me all of the time, Butterfly

Butterfly you dry the tears from my eyes

Butterfly no clouds in my sky

Butterfly you bring the world on a string

Butterfly let’s dance and sing!

Thanks for reading 🙂 If you enjoyed the song and this article please share it with friends.

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Song About Spiritual Awakening

 

 

A song about spiritual awakening. People have reported feeling calmed and uplifted by listening to “Soul.”. It’s definitely a song that comes from higher realms.

To be honest, most of my songs come to me as flashes of inspiration.

Either the main part or the entire song.

From there, it’s a matter of applying craftsmanship to bring it into the world.

 

Playing And Discovering Between Guitar Students

I also teach guitar. (I’ve now taught over 10,000 private guitar and piano lessons in my career!)

I’d finished teaching for the evening and has about 20 minutes before leaving to participate in Mary’s Zumba class.

I was noodling about on my guitar. In this case I think it was my acoustic steel string.

The entire melody and chords just popped right in out of thin air. Even a few of the lyrics.

In these situations where I don’t have much time ( that’s usually when these flashes of inspiration happen!) I either record it quickly or write it out on music notepads.

I recorded it so I wouldn’t forget it — plus some of the lyrics were coming out spontaneously as I vocalized the melody.

You may also enjoy reading about how songs happen.

 

Song About Spiritual Awakening And My Left Brain

The left brain part of writing kicked in quietly and suggested it be a song about spiritual awakening. Yes! 🙂

When I wrote the song I was connecting with some very deep parts of Life. And I was truly feeling that come hell or high water, I was going to bring my Soul’s mission to bear in this world.

Whatever perceived failure (and I’ve had oh so many! Lol) I may have to go through — and whatever success might come my way, I EXIST!

I have a right to be me. And my voice deserves to be heard.

That’s the basic vibe of “Soul.” So I want you to bring YOUR Soul to bear on the world. Don’t allow fear and doubt to hold you back.

I’ve experienced fear and doubt at every step along the way of my journey. But I learn and get stronger by going around it or simply ignoring it.

Like I said above, I’ve had more than my share of “failure.” As an artist it feels like you’re literally putting your heart and soul on the line.

People are busy so sometimes all you hear for all of your hard work is “crickets.” But you can’t stop making music when that’s what you are here to do.

Making music is my calling. Not only because I love writing, singing and playing guitar. Because it’s my sacred duty.

 

Song About Spiritual Awakening
Soul Cover Art by Mary

“SOUL”  by Davidson Yeager

                                                              © 2011 all rights reserved

All of my walls falling down

Down to the ground

Down down

 

Choirs of Angels call my name

Where do I start?

Where is my Heart?

 

I’m bringing my Soul to this world

Calling It down ’til It walks this ground

Bringing my Soul to this world

Don’t know what else there’s to do…

 

Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid

Go with the flow

Give up your control

Choirs of Angels call your name

Where do you start?

Where is your Heart?

 

You’re bringing some Soul to this world

Calling It down ’til It walks this ground

Bringing some Soul to this world

Don’t know what else there’s to do, hey!

 

Me and you. Not a lot to do.

Let’s bring Soul Love to this world

http://davidsonyeager.com/songs-by-davidson-yeager/that’s so blue yeah!

 

Bringing my Soul to this world

Calling It down ’til It walks this ground

Bringing my Soul to this world

Don’t know what else there’s to do…

Thanks for reading. As I said above, “Soul” is a song about spiritual awakening — so please share this article with anyone you think will be uplifted and inspired by it 🙂

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My Recent Bob Dylan Phase

 

I recently went through a Bob Dylan phase.

Every once in a while I go through a phase where I get obsessed with an artist or song. I listen to them. I read about them. I check out interviews.

My musical influences are many and fairly eclectic.

But as I said, right now I’m in a Bob Dylan phase. “Dylan?” you say, “that’s nothing new.”

No. He’s been around for a while. And I know some people who refuse to listen to him because they don’t like his voice. I say, who cares about that. I like his voice. It’s Bob Dylan.

But you know what? His lyrics and melodies break your heart open if you listen and can understand the symbolic language of poetry.

Leave your left brain at the door when listening to Bob Dylan and you’ll be well rewarded.

 

Not My First Bob Dylan Phase

This is not the first time I’ve had an intense phase of learning about Dylan’s muse. The previous several times were more focused on the work that everybody associates with him. “Like A Rolling Stone”, “Tangled Up In Blue”, etc.

This time ‘round I’m really digging into a larger span of his work. A brilliant album from 1983 called “Infidels” that was produced by Mark Knopfler and features Mick Taylor (Rolling Stones) and Sly and Robbie (drum and bass duo from Bob Marley’s band).

I love most of the songs on this LP. Check out this gorgeous song called “Sweetheart Like You.”

Also some stuff from an album in 1997 called “Time Out Of Mind” that was produced by Canada’s own Daniel Lanios (producer of U2’s The Joshua Tree, etc.)

And there’s a really cool song he released in 2000 for a movie soundtrack called Wonder Boys. The song is called “Things Have Changed” and ended up winning a Grammy for song of the year.

Did you know that his lyrics are now studied in major universities such as Harvard?

He won the Pulitzer Prize in 2008 for “his profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power.”

He’s definitely an interesting cat. To quote the New York Times, it’s something about his Trickster Mystique.

Earlier in the summer I had a Burton Cummings/The Guess Who phase. I love the way he can either croon like butter or sing raspy and menacing. High or low. Crazy set of pipes on him. And he’s from Winnipeg which just happens to be where I was born.

Before that it was Led Zeppelin(again). And I also had a mini phase looking at Bobby Darin.

Mary says that because I have a Cancerian influence in astrology that it gives me an appreciation of the past. Cool.

 


New Songs In The Fire

I’ve been busy writing and recording new songs. I’m really looking forward to sharing them with you!

I also have some new and unexpected developments happening in terms of my music. I’ll let you know as it unfolds more.

This year has been full of so much change for me! I’ve been at the crossroads several times before — where I wondered if continuing to make music was worth it. And I’ve always been guided to continue. And it’s been more than worth it everytime.

This is the one time I really thought I had to put my dreams away. And I have. They were old dreams. Related to an old point of view.

Funny thing is, that the music is flowing through me even stronger.

Maybe because I don’t care as much. Maybe because I’m not as attached to any outcome. I just love to create music and share it — as long as I don’t have to compromise my happiness by being away from home and family a lot.

So I’m still an artist. It’s my calling. I didn’t choose it. I was born this way. 

I am however, branching out. As you know, I now teach yoga. Love it!

 

note: Monday’s at 6:15pm at St. Nicholas Church (Warden and Kingston Rd.) if you’re interested.

 

I’ve always been a mystic and poet at heart and studied metaphysics. So helping Mary with her psychic business and doing some tarot readings to teach people wisdom is a perfect fit.

And of course my meditation/mindfulness workshops. It’s all about letting go of baggage. Y’know?


My Life Vision

I put my Life Vision into words this summer: “To inspire and teach people that the true source of love and happiness is within. And to make as much music along the way as possible.”

Yoga Teacher Trainings And Intensives

 

I’ve just completed a series of yoga teacher trainings and intensives. What is going on? Well, I’ve always appreciated (hatha) yoga as a form of fitness and self care.

And my insights into “who am I?” and “what is this Life?” are pretty much aligned with the “spiritual” and “philosophical” branches of yoga.

Yoga Teacher Trainings YogaFit Level 1
My YogaFit Level 1 Karma Hours completed 🙂

 

I have practiced hatha yoga since the millenium — I had a great teacher whose classes I used to attend regularly. He’s now retired, but he was a really cool older english gentleman who was also a jazz musician.

His classes were filled to capacity back in the day and I really enjoyed them.

However, once I started to practice on my own and look around at some other yoga schools, I just didn’t find a fit.

Although I entertained the idea of yoga teacher trainings, I never took it seriously at the time. I was far too busy being a musician!

And frankly, some of the poses were quite daunting. But I kept up a somewhat consistent practice of it throughout the years along with more traditional forms of fitness.

Mary has also been involved with yoga for a while — she even had the same teacher as me, but we didn’t attend the same years.

As someone who was already successfully teaching fitness classes, she had no trouble jumping in and getting some yoga teacher training.

I watched her and was so proud of her for going after something she’d always wanted to do.

 

Yoga Teacher Trainings: Wanna Try Level 1, Honey?

Yoga Teacher Training
Mary picking me up after yoga teacher training

Recently, after she had quite a few training levels under her belt and had also been teaching her own yoga classes for several months, she suggested I try my Level 1 yoga teacher training.

I resisted a bit, but then thought “what the heck. I enjoy yoga and I can always learn more!” So we went to the training together.

Even though Mary already had her Level 3 training plus some other necessary courses under her belt, all yoga teachers have to take a Level 1 retraining at some point. So she got hers out of the way.

It was an all day 2 day training. Very intense! The teacher was a master instructor with many years or experience — not to mention being an expert on anatomy. She is completing her degree in osteopathy.

I loved it! The next thing I know, I signed up for Level 2 a couple weeks later. After Level 2, I signed up right away for Level 3!! I was hooked and on a roll.

Level 2 was with another master instructor who had a different approach. He was absolutely amazing and brought a level of “game” to the training that was extremely high.

After that, Mary and I both took the Meditation and Mindfulness intensive to add to our training hours.

I’m now taking a break, catching my breath and digesting the massive amounts of information I processed during the trainings.

I am looking forward to doing some more yoga teacher trainings and completing my 200 hours.

 

Yoga Karma Classes

I am teaching a few “karma” classes in August. These are free classes. We have to teach 8 karma hours to receive our Level 1 certificate — mine are done! But I’m doing a couple more just to get some practice and to promote my classes a bit.

My classes will be put on the schedule at St. Nicholas Church on Mondays at 6:15 pm starting in September 2016.

I’ll see how it develops from there.

The school we are studying with is incredibly well put together and thought out. I’ll write another article about it sometime. It’s called YogaFit and you can read about it here.

Yoga Teacher Training
Final meditation/relaxation at one of my karma classes

 

Growing My Positive Mind

Meanwhile, when I haven’t been at yoga teacher trainings, I’ve also been involved in studying and taking tests from the Postive Psychology approach to life. It’s essentially about discovering our inherent strengths and then focusing on them.

Apparently our weaknesses change very little (3 to 7% at most) over the course of a lifetime — and even that’s only in people who are actively engaged in self improvement or 12 step programs.

However, our strengths are almost unlimited in the potential they offer us to grow and be creative and deal with the challenges of our lives.

note: By the way, this book/course was actually on the resources reading list in one of the yoga teacher training manuals. I’m checking it out independently because I love this kind of stuff. Almost as much as music!

It’s called Growing The Positive Mind: With the Emotional Gym & The Positive Mind Test.  Just to let you know, this is an affiliate link to Amazon. That simply means I’ll get a few shekels if you buy the book 🙂

One of the assignments from this positive psychology is to divide our lives into 15 areas:

  • Professional
  • Financial
  • Spiritual
  • Physical
  • Friends
  • Family
  • Intimacy
  • Home and Environment
  • Play and Fun
  • Education/New Learning
  • Adventure
  • Growth
  • The Completley New and Novel
  • New Learning
  • Breaking Taboos
  • Wild and Frivolous Wants

Many of these areas overlap. But the idea is to come up with about 15 or 20 ideas for each area. Write them down on sticky notes. Eventually these areas will be collapsed to about 6 or 8 areas.

For now it’s simply about dumping out the brain of everything. Even ridiculous or sublime desires are to be acknowledged.

By doing this work, and weeding through the sticky notes, themes will begin to emerge.

This will lead to 6 or 8 five year goals.

There’s more involved than this brief description, but you get the idea. It’s both fun and very enlightening.

Especially for someone like me who is currently navigating a major transition in my life’s journey.

 

We Can Grow More Intelligent Brains

Oh — and did you know that current brain research shows that our brains are designed by nature to expand and grow as we age and go through transitional stages in our lives?

The more positive our attitudes to the changes we encounter as we age, the more complexity unfolds in our brain.

That’s why as people get older they think they are losing their memory. But they aren’t! It’s just that our brains don’t want to be bothered with “diddle” such as phone numbers, names, etc.

We are using our processing power to see the big picture instead.

Research has shown that young people do better at remembering minor details such as numbers, names, etc. but the older people in the studies do much better at the deeper comprehension of the big picture.

I always felt this to be true within myself and through my own self observation. I always thought I was getting wiser and stronger. One would hope 😉

 

Music Sweet Music

I’m supremely inspired with music right now! I know, it seems strange because of the decision I made recently about giving up on any commercial aspirations. Aspirations that’d been with me since I was a teenager.

Other than continuing to teach my guitar and piano students and perhaps get a song or two licensed to a movie or tv show, I currently have no commercial plans or intentions.

But I feel as if I’m still growing as an artist and getting even better and more authentic. Man, I love music!!

I have some really cool new songs in the works. We’ll see what happens. It’s going to take me until September to “concretize” my goal setting work as I stated above.

Thanks for reading and supporting — I love you 🙂

Why Am I A Spiritual Teacher?

Why am I a spiritual teacher and what do I bring to the table? Someone recently inquired as to my background. Teachers I’ve studied with, books I’ve read, practices, etc.

So I thought it may be helpful for some of you to understand what has led to my being a spiritual teacher.

Amongst other things, of course.

Childhood Mystical Experiences

As a child I had “mystical” experiences. As an adult reflecting upon those experiences it was very tempting to put them off as childhood imaginings.

However, upon doing more research and thinking, I’ve come to the conclusion that they were valid experiences.

One of the motifs in my teaching and philosophy is that we are heavily conditioned by the current myth of scientific materialism.

Note: I have no issue with science, of course. It’s helped humanity immensely. I only take issue with the fundamentalist approach whether that is in spiritual matters or science.

 

Existential Angst And Scientific Materialism

This environment of materialism — that only things that can be measured are real — has led to an epidemic of existential angst. Depression, anxieties and the like are all extremely common in our culture.

 

Memories Of Reincarnation?

Back to childhood. One of the most vivid experiences I had was when I was 4 or 5 years old and living in Winnipeg. I can recall going down the stairs to the basement of a neighbor’s house and suddenly being overcome by the knowingness that I’d been here before.

A voice inside said “Oh! This place again. I’m here again.” Meaning in physical form upon the earth.

I had many other experiences as a child such as knowing what song was about to play on the radio or who was calling on the phone.

“Some things have to be believed to be seen.” Ralph Hodgson

 

Follow Your Heart

As a teenager, I can remember thinking about what the Christian churches were teaching. And I remember thinking to myself that if good deeds and kindness didn’t come from the heart, but were just an obedience out of fear of punishment, then it didn’t mean anything true.

I thought about things like this a lot as a teen.

“Make sure that your religion is a matter between you and God only.” Wittgenstein

 

Sex, Drugs And Rock n Roll

Too many “aha moments” and “satori” to list here. I’ll skip ahead to my next major awakening. I’d been going through a period in my life where I was really lost and depressed.

I was playing in rock bands at the top clubs around Toronto at night and working in kitchens and teaching guitar by day.

And I was drinking and doing drugs. My life was out of control.

I tried stopping on my own. And I’d succeed from time to time. A couple of weeks here, a month there, a few days there. But the behaviour patterns that were driving me were compulsive.

One day I got on my knees and prayed for help. I felt a sudden calm. I was drawn to the closest public library.

I went in to the psychology section and took down all the books relating to addiction I could find.

Several books suggested AA as being one of the best ways to really deal with the issue of addiction.

That was it. I looked up meetings in Toronto and I was at my first meeting that night. Over the course of the next 6 months, I went to no less than one meeting everyday. I worked the 12 steps with my sponsor and am now closing in on 20 years of sobriety.

If you’re reading this and addiction to alcohol or drugs is an issue, I can’t recommend AA highly enough.

Even though after 6 months I never went to anymore meetings. That was my path. We all have our own path to navigate.

My internal guidance at this time said it was time for me to spread my wings. I didn’t want to tell the story of my being “wounded” anymore.

 

Freedom

I was free of that story.

By this time I had cultivated a dedicated and strong spiritual connection with my Higher Power. I had a meditation practice in place and dove into studying and working on myself.

One of the first things I did was read John Bradshaw’s work on the inner child and family dynamics. I also did most of the exercises he suggested.
I then got into studying some Buddhism along with all the psychology I could get my hands on.

One of the coolest spiritual practices I engaged with was allowing myself to feel what I was feeling instead of distracting myself.

This led to quite a bit of healing. To the point where having been estranged from my family as a teenage runaway, I was now on very good terms with them.

10 years ago I discovered and began to practice one of the single most powerful tools I’ve ever encountered. It’s called the Sedona Method.

In a nutshell, it’s the practice of letting go of negativity and limiting feelings/thoughts.

I’ve been using this daily — and I can honestly say that if someone approaches this tool with sincerity and honesty, they can achieve as much in a few months as doing several years of traditional meditation.

I still use traditional meditation along with the Sedona Method.

 

The Power Of Now

Another teacher who had a huge impact on me when I first read The Power of Now back in 1999 or 2000 was Eckhart Tolle. I remember at the time of reading I thought “so this is what Krishnamurti was talking about!”  (J. Krishnamurti is a very powerful spiritual teacher from the 20th century who I read a lot of as a teen. I was then living and working in Toronto on my own).

Thanks to Tolle’s teachings, I still practice being present. Noticing if I’m avoiding the “present moment” by using it as a means to an end or not. Feeling my inner energy field.

Am I feeling resistance to things that are happening? Can I say “yes” to these things I’m resisting — including the resistance itself?  These are practices that have been ingrained in my daily life whether I’m in a conversation or typing an article such as this.

Note: By the way, saying “yes” to the present moment doesn’t mean giving up the power to change things. As a matter of fact, we have more power, creativity and intelligence at our disposal when we are not in a state of emotional resistance to “what is.” This requires a willingness to be honest with oneself, of course 🙂

I still get triggered and feel negative emotional states. But now I have tools to deal with them rather quickly.

Most of the time I’m able to let go of them within seconds or minutes. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but never longer than an hour or so. Once in a blue moon something’s lasted a bit longer than that. Perhaps 2 hours or so.

These are not set parameters — just a way for me to communicate that we can take our power back. We do have the power to choose happiness and freedom over wanting to control things.

And like anyone, I’ve had my share of disappointments, “failures”, and challenges. But through all of that, I can say that it’s been many many years since I’ve had a bad day.

 

Why Am I A Spiritual Teacher?

I feel called to be a spiritual teacher. I don’t think I “know” anything that anybody else doesn’t know.

Just that when I say things, it may resonate with a deeper part of you that you previously didn’t have access to.

I’m simply a friend along the way. Maybe I’ve got a candle that you can use to light your own candle.

My motive is that I want to be the change I wish to see in the world. And if the Universe conspires to bring people to listen to the words I’m using to point at the moon with, then great! Maybe we can all change this world together.

Optimistically yours,
Dave

Once A Musician Always A Musician

If you’ve been following my posts you’ll know that I’ve been going through a metamorphosis of sorts.

Like when the caterpillar feels the itch to allow the butterfly to emerge.

All you can do is surrender. Well, you don’t have to — but it makes it much easier.

For the first few weeks of 2016 I didn’t touch my guitar unless I was teaching.

I sang around the house when moved to sing a song, but did no vocal exercises (singing is a muscle).

I just wanted to make sure that I didn’t fall into the pattern of thinking I really had to do something with my music.

I mean, commercially. You know, make money from it.

Because for me, it’s just not working. The drug is not doing it’s thing.

If you know me, you know that I’m the master of discipline and perseverence. Going after your dream, being courageous and consistent, etc. All that stuff is child’s play for me.

That’s not the issue for me. It was coming to the realization that it’s just not what I want anymore.

 

Sometimes Dreams Change

It’s like suddenly realizing the shoes you’re wearing are too tight.

Or the person you’re “in love” with is just not loving you back, man! Get over it. Walk away. Move on.

Know what I mean? The wisdom to know the difference.

So it’s been interesting and disorienting at times waiting and allowing the “butterfly” to emerge from the caterpillar.

I’m getting glimpses.

And I’m now practicing a bit. 4 or 5 days a week is all I’m allowed. No more than 20 minutes on guitar and about 40 minutes of singing each day.

Just bare minimum to keep in shape.

And have fun. No commercial agenda. No putting pressure on myself.

 

What I’ve Been Up To In The Meantime

Previously I also talked about how I enjoy the idea of teaching about spiritual tools, techniques and realizations.

Stuff for people who are looking for that.

How to meditate, develop awareness, access intuitive faculties, more creativity, peace of mind, less reactive, more patient, etc.

And of course, to realize God. God being a word or pointer that I’m using in this context. You can use Source, Divine Intelligence, The Tao, etc.

I assume this is going to take some time to develop. I just want to follow the impulse to discuss these things and see where it leads me.

Meanwhile, I still need to earn a living, so…

 

Psychic Impressions

I’m still teaching music lessons privately and enjoying it very much. It’s very rewarding to work with the people I’m working with.

Helping them develop their musical gifts and interests.

I’m also still helping Mary with her Zumba and Yoga businesses however I can. This can be at class when I can make it, or brainstorming with her over coffee in the morning.

I’m also helping Mary with her psychic business. Because I’ve been interested in and studied tarot cards and astrology since my youth, it’s a natural fit.

In the past, I never felt doing readings professionally would be something I could ever do.

But Mary has been doing it since she was a teen. Both because of her gypsy heritage and her natural (and awesome!) gift at it.

She’s been training me over the past 10 years, and I’ve now done hundreds of readings both over the phone and at parties/events.

I really used to resist at doing readings too much in the past because I had a lot of pride in my abilities as a musician.

Not to mention my “guysho” (non gypsy) upbringing making me feel less than authentic.

But now I find I’m enjoying it.

And I can help people with my psychic impressions (how’d I develop that? Born that way plus many years of meditation, working with crystals, Reiki attunements, etc.) intuitive insights and common sense.

By the way, we all receive psychic impressions. It’s really just the developing the ability and confidence to “catch” them.

 

Music

I just want to close out by saying I know that somehow music’s still very much in the picture. I just don’t know how it’s going to fit in with my life yet.

I do have a new song that I’d really love to record. It’s constantly playing in my head and giving me goose bumps. It’s called “Empty Hands.”

As a writer, that’s when you know you’ve written a cool song that will connect with people.

I’ll keep you posted.

Let Go And Let God part 3

Last time I left off, I was telling you about my passion for sharing spiritual insights with people. Inspiring people to empower themselves.

I’ve been going after a career in music for a long time. And I’ve had many ups and downs, adventures and different experiences.

What I’ve come to realize is that I’m not sure if the vision I had was accurate. And what I want. I don’t know if music is the only thing I want.

I don’t know if I want to sacrifice other parts of myself in order to singlemindedly pursue my music ambitions.

Because as much as I have learned quite a bit about successfully tapping into the Law of Attraction (the power of our minds to create) in order for it to work, you need to be in alignment.

That means you need to really want what you want. It has to really speak to you deep down.

It also means that you are in alignment with the forces and structures that exist here on the planet.

 

 

Structures Already In Play

If you know anything about the archetypal wisdom contained within the tarot deck, you’ll know this energy is best described by The Emperor card.

For example, governments, taxes and society are forces that have been set into motion over the course of millennia.

You can’t ignore them. A simple example: If you’re a guy and you want a girlfriend, well society has certain “rules” that are in play.

You can’t just walk up to a gal and expect her to be your girlfriend.

There are certain protocols to follow. Some of them may be influenced by nature, but many of them come from society.

 

In the music business (as in any business if you want to succeed) there are rules and protocols. And that’s where my blockage comes in.

For one thing, since I don’t drink or smoke, I have a slight aversion to late nights in bars. I used to do that all the time and my career was busier, but my life sucked.

Right now I would definitely need to go out an play more gigs in order to create my music dream. Get face to face with more people.

That’s fine, but it’s a lot of work. And I’m not sure I want to do that right now.

As much as I love to play music and perform, I don’t know if I’d enjoy that being my main focus all the time.

Not for the low pay (if any) at the beginning of such a venture. I’ve been there and done that. Several times.

Hiring other musicians, rehearsing, getting people to show up to the show, etc. It’s very hard work.

Of course, this kind of work can lead to getting a team and then an actual paycheck at the end of the night, but not for a while.

I’m not sure I want to be spending that much time away from other things in my life — and when I do succeed? Probably spending large chunks of time away from home and family.

asking life's tough questions
Asking life’s tough questions

Tough Questions

These are the tough questions I’ve been asking myself. Questions like these are tough to ask ourselves because it means coming out of denial in some aspect of our lives.

Everyone has these blind spots. It’s a lot easier to see patterns like this in others than in ourselves.

I’ve been going after this dream for so long that I hadn’t stop to think about what was really involved.

When I was younger, unattached and didn’t care if I lived in a van for a year eating microwaved tacos, I also didn’t have the support, resources or confidence to make it work.

I will say I had the musical talent though.

 

  Oh The Irony!

The irony is, now that I have more resources, more confidence and networking skills, I don’t know that I want to do that.

It’s not just about music anymore. It’s also about Lifestyle Design.

I’m such a different person now than when I thought music was all I wanted. That was a past self.

And the funny thing is, that these New Age/Spiritual and self help type of ideas have been my passion and natural inclination for as long as I can recall. Just like music.

The Illusion Of Perfection…

I used to believe that I had to wait until I was “perfect” before I could be a spiritual teacher. Who was I to think that I could empower others? I realize differently now.

And because Life has many rhythms and cycles, tides coming in and out, I’m allowing my vision of truth to come to me. To emerge from within me.

I know that it will. It may well end up being music for all I know. And I’m just taking a break from it right now. Recharging my batteries.

Or, and this seems much closer, it may be some hybrid fusion of being a spiritual teacher, self empowerment expert and musician.

I’ll keep you posted!

 

Let Go And Let God part 2

In part 1 of this series,  I wrote about how my life path and journey are undergoing a major renovation.

I’d like to share where I stand now and what I’m thinking I might be doing as I move forward.

It has to do with something I learned from when I attended Alcoholics Anonymous.

I’ve been clean and sober coming up on 20 years now.  I’ll share that story and the lessons learned another time.

Anyhow, they would use slogans that were very helpful with the healing process. One of my favourite ones was “Let go and let God.”

To the uninitiated this doesn’t mean being passive or apathetic. Quite the opposite.

If you’re a hardcore materialist you may have some trouble with this, but please bear with me.

Our Universe is a field or grid of energy. At this subatomic or quantum level, everything is connected and holistic. Intelligent.

We could be likened to bumper cars at the midway. The more we can tap into this higher source of energy, the more power we have.

Trick is, it’s one of those counterintuitive things. We have to let go and get out of our own way in order for this Intelligent Power to flow more freely into our lives.

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Infinity

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been aware of eternity. Infinity.

As a child, my father ( a pilot and navigator in the armed forces) told me that the Universe was infinite.

He explained the concept of infinite as being without end. He wasn’t 100% “bad” — which is why I’ve forgiven all that happened between us in the past.

I love my father. He was doing the best he knew how at that time. So was I.

My mother grew up participating in the church. She sang in the choir, and did something called CGIT (Canadian Girls In Training — I think it’s kinda like the boyscouts or something).

She told me God was everywhere and in everything.

I can recall what I felt thinking about infinity. I tried imagining what that was.

Then I perceived that there really was no end.

Because if there was, there’d have to be “nothing” on the other side of the line where the Universe ended.

And how could there be “nothing?” Even the nothing would be something. Not to mention, if there was no end, there was also no beginning.

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Sidenote: Wrapping my mind around God being everywhere and in everything was a little harder, and made me slightly paranoid 😉

This was all at around the age of 7 or 8.

Also, from what I can gather, my father is or was an atheist or at least agnostic. Perhaps humanist. He never told me, and I never asked.
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The Observer And The Observed

I have another vivid memory from about 5 years of age when my family was living in Winnipeg.

I went to a neighbors house with kids around the same age where we usually played in their basement.

As I went down the stairs, I had a sudden flash from a bigger and deeper part of myself.

“Oh…I’m here again!” “Here” meaning this planet earth. And a feeling of having had many previous lives.

Another memory from about the age of 14 or so. And this actually was part of an ongoing process that has become an overarching theme in my life…

As I would lie in bed at night, before sleeping, I would find myself observing my thoughts.

And I would wonder who is it that is observing the thoughts? Am I the thinker? Or am I the observer of the thinker?

And I would notice that the observer had been there all my life. Unchanging.

It didn’t matter how much my mind or body changed, this perceiving intelligence (my true “primordial” self) was changeless throughout.

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Later, in Toronto, once I had work and a girlfriend and a room in a rooming house, I would give informal talks about these kinds of things to my friends.

I was reading a lot of J. Krishnamurti and studying things like astrology. These sources of information verified the kinds of insights I’d been having.

Oh yeah…and during my first few months in Toronto I remember feeling the presence of an angel beside me as I walked up Yonge St.

And I knew somehow I wasn’t imagining this. I “knew” it must be my guardian angel.

This silent loving presence soundlessly and wordlessly communicated to me that I was safe. Not to worry.

Well, I’m not going to write about the details of my adventures during those times. But the fact I came out alive and unscathed truly is a miracle.

So why am I telling you all this? Definitely not because I think I’m “special.”

I personally believe that there are many “old souls” here on the planet who have had these kinds of experiences — but due to the pressure of society and the mainstream worldviews have dismissed them.

And over the years, they’ve lost touch with this type of intuitive information.

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I’m definitely feeling a deeper sense of purpose right now as I think about somehow putting my voice out there.

For people who feel isolated and live in the margins of society. For people who have struggled and want to stop struggling.

For anyone looking to have a deeper sense of connection with themselves and Life.

For anyone who is just trudging through their days without a sense of direction or passion and purpose.

I don’t care what your beliefs are. I’m not here to talk politics or religion.

I’m here to shine a light so that you (if you’re still reading this you must be interested) can feel safe to shine yours too.

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If He/She Can Do It, You Can Too

“If he can do it, I can do it too!” kind of thing. That’s how AA worked for me.

The light doesn’t belong to anyone in particular.

It is the essence of who we are. Before we get programmed by a fearful society.

These fears may have had a place in the distant dark past of humanity — but most fear based beliefs are no longer necessary or relevant.

The world is changing rapidly. Not just in the areas of the economy and technology.

But in the overall frequency if you will.

More people are waking up. And then falling back asleep of course (usually in traffic or when the ticking of the clock gets louder), but nonetheless waking up.

It’s very exciting!

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The more smart and heart felt people who aren’t afraid to shine their light, the more the world will begin to shift into a more positive and healthy direction.

These blog posts are the first small step in dealing with how Life wants to express and create through me at this point in my life.

I will probably continue to blog on these topics. Perhaps make videos as well.

Music? Not sure yet. I haven’t formally practiced in 10 days now.

That’s the longest I can remember in at least 20 years.

I’m deliberately taking a break so I can allow my true nature to emerge without any bias to it. No agenda.

I want the truth of Life to shine through me. I surrender absolutely to what that truth is.

I feel music will still be an integral part of my life. The other day while teaching a student, I had to sing a passage for them — and my heart jumped for joy at singing.

And I’ve been singing around the house more recently — and loving it.

I have to play guitar when I teach. And I’ve had a couple of times where I really came alive inside while playing.

But that’s the point. I want to keep my music free. Free from agendas. Free from being a workaholic.

Free from obsession. Free from being so attached to any specific outcome.

I want the joy that I bring to my music to remain unsullied as much as possible. So for now, my music is under my watchful eye.

Until I know that it can breathe and flow naturally without me trying to make things happen.

If you don’t understand any of this, and you think you need to “make things happen” in life, that’s ok. In my experience, it doesn’t work. Not for me. Not anymore.

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Going With The Flow Of Abundance

In my experience it’s more about remaining grateful and feeling abundant. And then allowing things to happen.

Of course, action needs to be taken. Roll up your sleeves and all of that.

But it’s what I like to call aligned action.

Kind of like going down the rapids in a kayak. Using the paddle to steer and work with the flow of the river.

And guess what? Just got a brand new car from just that type of mind set.

Read Part 1 Of This Series

Go To Part 3 Of This Series

Let Go And Let God part 1

This is Part 1 in a series.

I had been so inspired with my guitar playing recently.  I’d been practicing and thinking about it virtually non stop since early fall 2015.

And this after playing most days of my life since my teenaged years. Self taught.

And of course, I’ve been teaching guitar professionally for 22 years now.

I also majored in guitar at one of Canada’s finest music colleges. Graduated at the top of my class.

After graduation, I did a bunch of things guitar related. Played in cover bands, original bands (lots of girls!), solo gigs at conferences and weddings (nice pay!), started my teaching biz.

Played a thousand open mics. Literally.

Not to mention that last year (2015) I finally was able to produce an EP of 5 of my songs of totally professional quality.

This is no easy task — even though home recording is so accessible. To learn the engineering and then use the equipment to get professional results is a formidable task.

With some help and mentoring (Thanks Gary!), and lots of practice over the years, I was finally able to do it in my small home studio.

I also had support from many of you who are reading this too — by pre purchasing the CD “Hey Mary Hey.” Thank you 🙂

This is all just to say that guitar and music has been a big part of my life and my goals.

A few weeks ago, I decided to google a service in GTA (Greater Toronto Area for those not familiar with Toronto, Canada — or T-dot for short) to fix a minor issue with my guitar amp.

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Fuzz Pedals

It led me to a guy in the suburbs who builds his own amps and guitar pedals from scratch. All based on the gear in the late sixties and early seventies.

Point to point hand wired amps, germanium transistors in the fuzz pedals instead of silicon. Vintage.

The stuff that created the magic tones of Jimi Hendrix, David Gilmour (Pink Floyd) and other “guitar heroes.”

The amp, pedals and guitar one instrument of only wood, steel and glass.

I was intrigued and inspired by his concept when we chatted over the phone. So I decided to go to his shop and check out a germanium fuzz pedal.

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Frustrated Geniuses

The day before I was scheduled to head over, he called me up to confirm. We ended up chatting a bit more about the music business and being a musician.

He said something completely unintentional that hit me like a ton of bricks.

He said something along the lines of “Yeah, like those frustrated geniuses that think they need to suffer for their art. They’re still really trying to make their music work.”

And I thought “Is that me?” And this question continued to work it’s way into my consciousness for the rest of the day.

And while I slept and dreamt that night.

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The next morning, a Monday, I was “dazed and confused.” I didn’t know what was happening to me.

I was able to function, but I was just going through the motions. I felt disconnected from my usual surroundings somehow.

I decided it was some weird temporary thing and that the best thing to do would be simply push through with my original plans as best I could.

I drove out to the burbs and met Steve. The guy who builds amps and fuzz pedals, etc.

I tried his pedals. Sounded great, but I wasn’t excited because I was so zapped out from not knowing what was going on.

“Was music even my thing anymore?” I kept asking myself silently.

I saw how Steve had a young family (a couple of toddlers), a nice little house and a rack of guitars and gear.

He basically played for fun, and while I was there another dude showed up to pick up a Marshall amp that Steve had fixed up for him.

I decided to get the fuzz pedal in the hopes that I was just in a temporary delusional state — and that my “normal” inspiration and confidence would return.

I handed Steve a wad of cash after the other dude left (after he handed Steve an even bigger wad of cash).

I thought “Wow. Steve’s just treating it like a hobby. And look at the money!”

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Money

Ok. Money. A hot issue with everyone.

Everyone is either chasing after it, or they have an aversion to it.

Or some “driving with the brakes on” combo of the two. But we all need it.

note: Money is also a cool tune by the above mentioned Pink Floyd. It’s in 7/4 time.

In the past, I had mixed programming regarding money. I grew up in a middle class home where money was not the problem.

The problem was an abusive father. Physically and mentally.

I don’t want to get into that too much other than to shed some light on things.

And there may be readers who have similar issues and they can benefit from my story.

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Because of the relentless pressure from the relationship with my father, I decided to leave home at the tender age of 17 and I ended up on the streets of Toronto.

This lasted for a little while until I was able to start getting work, etc. I was directed by a compassionate hostel worker to a social worker who helped me.

I was able to use their phone, get a resume typed (yes, typed!) up, etc. Feel some acceptance for who I was.

Others in my family (uncles, cousins, etc.) were even upper middle class and a couple were even rich.

I saw that people weren’t necessarily happy, therefore money wasn’t the source of happiness.

Nothing external is. External things reflect our happiness –or unhappiness — back to us.

Or they are simply neutral and we project our stuff onto it.

Toward the end of high school, I  thought that when I did earn a living, I at least wanted to do something I enjoyed.

Not just for the money. Something I could feel passionate about.

So part of my programming came about as a reaction or rebellion to the way I was brought up.

I was kind of anti money. Definitely as far as the “keeping up appearances” kind of having money.

Plus, starting on the Toronto streets (hanging out in the Eaton Centre and Salvation Army drop in centres to stay warm — very tough at Christmas watching the shoppers) and scratching my way up from there — well, let’s just say I missed more meals than your average college student.

Besides the rebelliousness toward money and the WASP (white anglo saxon protestant) status quo of my family, I also developed “poverty consciousness.”

I began to believe that I was less than others. I didn’t deserve.

I formed these false beliefs from my first years being on my own with little to no support.

After many years of working on myself and various issues, I think I’ve made some great progress.

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Changes

In the areas of health, I’m doing great. I’m full of vitality and regular exercise is an installed habit.

I don’t smoke or drink and have no trouble sticking to a healthy diet.

I’m also with my soulmate. We’re going strong coming up on 10 years now.

We’re a team and to me she’s absolutely the most fascinating and incredible person. And of course, very beautiful!

We’re wiser and stronger and more loving together.

I’ve managed to survive for the past 20 plus years with not much more than a guitar, my musical skills and my understanding of human nature.

But now I’m not certain where I stand in relation to my musical journey and goals. A major shift has occured.

Read Part 2 Here.

Peter Green British Blues Style Guitar

Here’s some “behind the scenes” of how I practice. It’s a music appreciation lesson meant for anybody. You don’t have to be a musician to appreciate it. Hopefully it’s user friendly for everyone.

I call it Peter Green British Blues Style Guitar because it’s based on a song by Peter Green’s Fleetwood Mac called “Need Your Love So Bad” (1969) an old school RnB/Blues and rock kind of tune. I’m using a Fender amp with tubes and my Les Paul.

note: I’m joking in the video below where I say my amp goes to 12. There’s a line in the classic movie “Spinal Tap” where Nigel, the lead guitarist boasts how his amp goes to 11. Most amps have knobs that are numbered up to 10.

My knobs happen to be numbered up to 12. The number on the knob of course, is arbitrary. The amp is either on full blast or somewhere else in the loudness continuum — regardless of what the number on the knob says 🙂

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Some people call this style “British Blues.” People like Eric Clapton, Peter Green, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, etc.

These guys developed their own style of music in the mid to late sixties. They were influenced by the great blues musicians from the US like Howlin’ Wolf, Muddy Waters, BB King, Albert King etc.

But they were also influenced by Elvis and rock n roll music. Not only that, but the technology of guitar amplification was at a certain development — and they took full advantage of this.

Actually, Jimi Hendrix could almost be described as a British Blues player because he made it “big” when he relocated to London.

And with all the psychedelia influence, the Beatles and Woodstock in the air at the time — well, these factors combined to create this sound some call British Blues.

In the video I use a pedal — the silver glowing thing on the floor. Those guys didn’t use pedals too much. My amp is way loud — even at 1 or 2 on the volume knob. Of course, my amp goes to 12 😉

As a guitarist, I’m always looking for things to practice to stay in shape and to keep learning my craft.

I do various things. Scales and all that stuff. But that gets pretty boring after all these years! I do a lot of lifting. That’s finding music I like and learning it by ear. Playing along to it note for note.

Of course when I record my songs, I learn a lot by creating the guitar parts in my arrangements. And in the past, I’ve logged countless hours in various bands which is another kind of practice.

In this case, a great guitarist and guitar teacher based in NYC named Jeff McErlain published some guitar lessons based on British Blues.

sidenote: Jeff is also the guitar coach on the movie August Rush. Here’s a link to his site if you’re interested in checking out what he does.

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I bought his course to have another practice option. Turned out it’s a lot of fun!

As mentioned above, Jeff based this performance study on the song “Need Your Love So Bad”  by Peter Green’s Fleetwood Mac in 1969.

The chord progression is really cool. I love these kind of progressions. For any musicians out there, it goes A, A7, D7, D#dim, A, F#min, Bmin, E, A, D9, A, Eaug.

It’s in 6/8. Romantic and wistful.

I really love playing blues rock on my electric guitar! As a singer/songwriter I also love playing my acoustic steel string. Acoustic steel string guitar is another beast to master. I’ll have something about that coming soon — and perhaps also how I keep my voice in shape.

Trivia: One of my favourite singers? Billy Ocean. Yep. Great to practice to for me — my range matches up to his really well.

Awesome! You made it. I hope you enjoyed this little slice of my life as a musician. Please feel free to leave any comments below or share this article with friends. I really appreciate it 🙂