The truth about twin flames is that first of all, it’s a word. A theory. But what is it pointing at? Because in my experience as a tarot reader, the label of twin flames has caused a lot of unnecessary confusion.
Although I don’t disagree with what the word is describing in principle, the problem is that many people get addicted to a romantic ideal. This usually brings more suffering into their lives.
Now, suffering CAN be very useful. When we get fed up with suffering is when real change can happen. However, suffering can also be a way for us to stay stuck. We actually “enjoy” our suffering because it is a part of our story.
I’m not completely disagreeing with the idea of twin flames by saying that there aren’t are certain kinds relationships that are expressed differently. I’m not saying that certain people aren’t drawn to each other in a way that the mind cannot possibly understand. A sort of pre-destined Destiny. Or certain lessons to be learned.
This certainly seems to be true in my own experience. And I too, have a romantic sensibility that the concept of twin flames and soulmates has always appealed to.
Are Twin Flame Relationships Toxic?
But when we put a relationship in a box with a label such as “twin flame” we stifle whatever it is. Relationships — no matter whether lover and partner, parent, child, friend, co-worker or a cashier at a shop — are all based on Love.
If we get overly attached to the idea of a person being our “twin flame” it’s a subtle form of trying to control and manipulate the relationship. Is that Love?
Sidenote: Our ability to grant the other the right to be themselves is based on our ability to accept and love ourselves as we are. I’ve given love a capital L to show that this Love is rooted in Divine Intelligence; not the human version which can turn into hate on a dime! As humans, we have access to the Divine when we get our-selves out of the way.
If that person truly is part of your Destiny and Lifepath in an intense, beautiful, healthy and mutually supportive way, things will unfold much better if you come from Love and allow the relationship to be what it wants to be.
This simply means being as honest with yourself as possible. This is also why intimate and committed relationships can be one of the most powerful ways for a human being to grow spiritually and emotionally.
For example, I love Mary more than words could ever describe. And I know there’s a certain relative truth to us being “eternal soulmates/twin flames” or “divine masculine/divine feminine” — but I also know that those are only words. Words and concepts can only ever point. They are never the Real.
What we have, I FEEL and EXPERIENCE within myself and within the day to day rhythms of our life together. Words or labels cannot possibly ever encompass the incredible sacredness and gratitude that I feel for Mary’s presence in my life.
I simply do my best to bring Love to our relationship. And sometimes when wounded parts of myself get triggered, I still do that. It’s hard work, but that’s when I look at myself until I turn whatever is inside me that is not love into love. I use a combination of pure awareness as well as powerful techniques of letting go.
The problems begin when people get overly attached to these labels and they insist that a certain person is a twin flame. Maybe they are and maybe they aren’t. You want me as a reader to provide some sort of guarantee to you. Life is not carved in stone, but…
I get it! I have compassion for that. It’s scary and we have to be vulnerable to open up to someone and then commit to going through the places we’ve been hurt together. We also have to be courageous enough to face the possibility of rejection.
Dark Side Twin Flame
What I’ve been talking about is the dark side of twin flame relationships. Getting into your head about it too much. You might think it’s your heart because of the love that you feel. Yes, you love this person.
But consider that this person is here to teach you something. To help you purify some aspects of yourself that have been stored unconsciously until now. It’s an opportunity to recognize that and break the pattern of bondage that you feel.
If you really want love, then you need to trust God more than you need this person to be the way you want them to be. In other words, running while you are chasing. Or waiting for them to call or text you.
Love Is Surrender
All I’m trying to say is Love is a complete surrender. You just have to let it all out. You have to be prepared to accept what comes whether it comes or not. There are no guarantees.
Have faith that if someone is truly meant to be in your life, they will be. There is nothing you can do, beyond loving them the way they are, that can make that happen.
It’s ok and healthy if you simply want some reassurance about proceeding with a certain person or not. But life is on a “need to know” basis. That’s how it was designed to be.
Most of the time, even the best readers or astrologers can only give you a “weather report” of the current energies. It’s up to us to co-create from the unknown. Yes, it’s scary at times. But that’s why we’re here.
Even if I were to tell you in a reading that a certain person was your twin flame, you’d STILL have to go through the courage of opening up your heart. And loving them even when their behaviour touches on a wound. You’d still have to actually BE in a relationship.
There’s no such thing as riding off into the sunset with no more work to be done. No more triggers to be healed.
How A Tarot Reading Can Help
You may need a tarot reading to help you discern if someone’s behaviour crossed a line. Are you perhaps in a toxic twin flame relationship of some kind? Or are you “unconsciously” living out a fantasy where there are no risks? But even in healthy relationships that are very happy, wounds sometimes get exposed. And that’s when the rubber hits the road.
If you feel you must use the label twin flame to describe certain types of dynamics that exist in relationships, that’s fine. It can be helpful to a point. Maybe you and a certain someone DO have a destiny together. But if that’s so, why can’t you simply let go and trust a bit more? It’s because of the wounds within yourself. And that’s ok — we all have them. So for now, love yourself as best you can and just be aware that all labels — not matter how exotic and spiritual — are still mind stuff. And the mind cannot love or know Truth. It’s as simple as that.
Our minds note the differences with another, but only our hearts recognize the Love that is the Essential One Beingness in all.