8 of swords from Ciro Marchetti's Gilded Tarot Royale illustrates limiting beliefs. See how she could walk away free?
Do you want to know how to let go of negative beliefs? Because anyone who says that all you have to do is repeat a few affirmations, is lying. It’s real work, not for the faint of heart. I've been passionately doing this work since 1997; and although I'm still a work in progress, my life is so much better in every area that matters to me.
There is more conversation about letting go of negative thoughts and limiting beliefs these days. Makes sense. We all have limiting beliefs and negative thoughts!
A few examples are “I can’t have what I want” or “I’m not good enough” or “It’s not ok to be angry” or “I’m not capable.” A few more specific ones are “I’m not a good singer” or “I’m not good at math.”
A few more: “money is the root of all evil” or “if I have money I’m taking it away from people who need it” or “all the good ones are taken.”
Everyone knows that these negative stories come from childhood training - parents, teachers, society at large. (As well as these influences, I personally see them as coming from past lives - or DNA if you prefer). But what most of us don't know is how to be free of them.
Note: To me, our past includes our entire life up until a split second ago. We are always conditioning ourselves in life whether we realize it or not.
Limiting Beliefs Damage Relationships
Relationships are super easy to see limiting beliefs in action because you usually get immediate feedback! This is also why intimate relationships are one of the most challenging areas for most people.
Relationships are, in my opinion, one of the highest forms of “yoga” or spiritual and personal growth courses available here on planet earth.
And if there were absolutely no challenges in an intimate relationship? It would be seriously dry and flat!
I Am Not Worthy
One of the most universal limiting beliefs in all areas of life is “I am not worthy.” This hidden belief causes us to protect our hearts when we actually need to risk them. And when we believe we are risking our hearts, we’re actually expecting someone to give us our worthiness.
To tell us they approve of us. But sometimes they disapprove of us…
This often leads to relationships with the “wrong” people. Although they might even be the right person if we use the relationship as a vehicle to learn more about ourselves.
Misconceptions, Distortions and Rose Coloured Glasses
Misconceptions are filters we use to layer personal meaning onto our lives.
If we have a limiting belief that we are unlovable and need someone to give us love in order to feel worthy, that’s a misconception.
This is just another way of saying it’s a limiting belief. And it stirs up negativity within us which actually blocks us from manifesting more of what we want.
Limiting Beliefs Undermine Money and Career
I’m sure you can see how a belief like “I am not worthy” would influence your ability in the areas of creating a fulfilling career for yourself.
But there is actually an even deeper operating program underneath the limiting belief “I am not worthy” that I work on with my 1:1 clients.
It’s the desire for approval or avoiding disapproval.
And it’s very easy to let go of once you understand how.
The Simple Secret To Slaying Limiting Beliefs...
This: Take full responsibility for your negative thoughts and feelings.
Will you be suppressing those feelings if you refrain from expressing them? You might be. But that’s what the rest of this article is about; real letting go is not suppressing.
But you have to be committed to going beyond your previous barriers. You have to practice every damn day. And you’ll never not fall off the bike! But you’ll start to get really good at it and be able to ride with skill through challenging terrain.
That's why I said no longer buying into limiting beliefs is real work! That's why many will never succeed. They'll leave this article and search for shortcuts that will keep them stuck.
The Ego Enjoys Limiting Beliefs
Problem: there’s a “masochistic” streak to the ego. Let’s just say the ego is an image that we have of ourselves. It’s made from our past experiences (up to a split second ago) whether we judge those experiences as good, bad or neutral.
And this masochistic streak actually enjoys the pain. It wants to hold on to the negativity.
That’s because limiting beliefs and stories are what ego is made out of.
Don't believe me? Good! But next time you feel hateful or negative, look inside with as much passion for truth as you can muster. If you are able to do this, you'll see this is pain that wants more pain. The well known saying "misery loves company" also points to this.
I’m going to reveal the secret to letting go of any negative thoughts or limiting beliefs later on in this article. But first…
The Hamster Wheel of Suppression and Expression
Bring to mind something from your life that makes you feel angry or frustrated. It doesn’t have to be a major life issue - just something from daily life will do.
When you look at it, can you see how you believe you only have 2 options?
1. you can push it down and try to ignore it or hold it back (suppression)
2. you can express it
We all know what happens with this cycle…
Some say it’s the reptilian brain. Maybe it is from that perspective. But it doesn’t matter how we model our understanding of it. It’s our conditioning and inheritance.
It’s in our language. Hot and cold. Up and down. In and out. Short and tall. Everything is polarized in language and language shapes our minds.
This is necessary of course. So that we know that a bus is not a car. A dog is not a horse.
Are You Making The Choices Or Is It Knee Jerk Reactions?
When we hold feelings in for long enough they eventually boil over and explode. Maybe on a person. Maybe we sabotage our life in some way. Addictions. Or maybe it begins to take a toll on our health.
When we express our negativity at every knee jerk reaction, we begin to condition ourselves that way. We are no longer an individual with freewill to choose our response to a situation or circumstance.
Instead of using our minds, our minds are using us.
But there’s a 3rd option to suppressing/expressing…
The Difference Between Letting Go & Suppression
Letting go is seeing through whatever limiting belief or negative feeling is appearing in awareness at that moment.
By seeing through it, I mean that we see how the feelings we’re currently experiencing or stories we’re telling ourselves are false. A lie.
In order to see through to our underlying motives, we first need to face our feelings. We need to acknowledge the truth of them. With suppression, it's different. As soon as we feel the discomfort of the negativity, we push the feeling down.
With suppression, for example, we can even act as if we are kind; but our inner currents are not feeling kind at all. When we do this enough, we create another habitual trap for ourselves.
For example, rage tells us that we can get what we want through force and control. And what do we want in this case?
We want the person to behave in a certain way so that we can love them! Or we want the situation to change NOW!
But by forcing and controlling them we just push them away - even if we get the superficial result we wanted.
With a circumstance that we want to change, when we let go of all the energy we’re using to resist Life, we have enthusiasm, courage, strength, patience, intelligence, devotion, peace and a clear head at our disposal.
When we let go, we are free to choose how to express ourselves. We can still ask for what we want without a ton of emotional charge.
In my experience and those of many of my clients, this usually gets us what we want with more ease and less stress.
And even if we don’t get what we want (which has been known to happen in Life - Lol), we don’t take it personally. This conserves energy to continue persevering if we choose. Or to make a courageous choice to pivot in a different direction.
Drumroll…The Secret of Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs Revealed!
Ready? Before I get to it, I must tell you that I already revealed the secret to dealing with limiting beliefs above. But it's so simple in theory, that many people refuse to accept it.
Instead, they either look for a shortcut or something complicated. But just like in other areas of life, you need to be willing to pay the price for what you want.
You have to want to be free of it. Not as wishful thinking. But as a deep gut felt desire. You have to be so fed up and sick of it.
The “you” who you think you are - the images, stories, memories and beliefs - has to be willing to die.
Don’t worry! You won’t.
Your ego will continue to exist as long as you’re in human form. Contrary to myth, you cannot eliminate ego. The one who wants to eliminate it IS ego.
Not only that, but ego is here to help us in the world of form. Even though you ultimately are not your name, rank and serial number, you need to know those things in order to function here.
Letting Go Is Spiritual Enlightenment In The Now Moment
Oh the fairytale of spiritual enlightenment! Where you can ride off into the sunset and never have to feel any pain or loss ever again. Like a superhero, bullets will bounce off your chest. You've made it.
I’m making fun, but in fact, this IS kind of true. Many seek spiritual enlightenment for this reason. They are looking in the wrong direction - no matter how much they meditate or retreat from the world.
Life is dynamic and always changing. Spiritual enlightenment is something that grows and deepens and isn’t a straight line kind of experience without challenges. You can only be enlightened NOW.
As you grow in enlightenment, it's more like your contracted or negative states of mind don't gain a strong foothold - and even if they do, it's not for very long.
In my experience of spiritual awakening it just gets easier to choose courage and love over self imposed suffering. Kind of like playing a musical instrument gets easier - but you'll never be "perfect."
When you develop more skill with letting go of limiting beliefs and stories, life does greatly improve. Sometimes your circumstances will even improve without you seeming to do much about it!
Sometimes life gets better just because you’re able to enjoy the experience of being alive to a much greater degree - because there’s not a swarm of nagging fears and “what ifs” swarming around you.
The main thing is, the formless Intelligence-Energy that you are beyond this body/mind experience is now in the driver’s seat. Ego is no longer controlling the show.
Sure, ego might be a backseat driver at times - but you now know how to ignore it! At least you’re getting better at it.
3 Takeaways: The Truth About Letting Go Of Limiting Beliefs And Negative Thoughts
1. You need to really want it! Otherwise, you won’t even remember it as an alternative option when you feel upset, negative or you want to just give up in the middle of a project, etc.
2. You need a reliable technique that gets to the root of your underlying motivations.
3. Because you have an active and busy lifestyle, you need a method that uses the challenges and circumstances of your life to help you grow.